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toumakibangs · 6 years ago

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°*TouMaki - Advent Calendar 2018*° DAY 16 - “ROOFTOP” (“A and B broke up, but now they meet at a Christmas party”) by @fantasysorceress (aka @spider-maki)

Mod’s Note: Everyone who has had the chance of talking TouMaki with me recently knows that after having wirtten novel-length fics about how perfect they are for each other, I have been very interested in the concept of them breaking up, lately (and that I have PLANS on that department). Therefore, I would have tackled this prompt myself, if @spider-maki hadn’t beaten me to it. But I’m SO GLAD she did, because I am a fan of hers, and this fic here is truly something special. Thank you for signing-up, Caroline!!! ;A;

Author’s Note: “@spider-maki here! The supporting prompt I picked for this fic was “A and B broke up, but now they meet at a Christmas party.“ It ended up kind of long, so sorry about my inability to write short fics XD I hope you guys enjoy this anyway!! Merry Christmas to all my fellow toumaki fans!!! <3″

Title: Amplified

“In my defense,” says Toudou, “this was not my fault.”

Even though he’s sitting with his back to Makishima, he can still feel the scorching blue glare burning into the back of his head like a branding iron. “Are you implying this is my fault?”

“No! I’m saying it’s no one’s fault. If anything, it was the fault of a series of poorly timed coincidences that we ended up here.”

“Here,” Makishima says sourly. “You mean, locked out on Kinjou’s roof with you, of all people.”

Toudou’s tempted to object to that statement because he has proof from dozens of fangirls that he is, in fact, great company and thus the best person one could hope to be stuck on a roof with, but he’s pretty sure that would make Makishima even more annoyed with him than he already is. He himself isn’t in the best mood, and if they get any more irritated with each other than they already are, he knows they’ll both end up saying more stuff they’ll regret later.

At least, he knows he’ll regret it later. Past experience has taught him that much.

Toudou huffs out loud, his breath misting in the freezing air. Despite the chilly temperature, the jacket and mittens that Arakita was kind enough to throw at them are keeping him warm, and the tiled roof shingles make a surprisingly comfortable place to sit. He can see the sun setting over the neighbouring houses, painting the sky in hues of yellow and pink and casting dark shadows over the snow-topped trees. It’s a beautiful picture, and if it weren’t for the awkward tension settling thickly between him and Makishima, he would have called the atmosphere peaceful.

“Besides, it was definitely yours,” says Makishima.

“What?”

“The reason we’re locked out here. It was your fault.”

Toudou’s mouth falls open, and he’s so taken aback it takes him a moment to find his words. “It is not! Did that punch knock your memory loose, or was it always that bad?”

“Excuse me?!”

“It was obviously not my fault,” says Toudou. “Let’s go through exactly what happened…”

Kinjou and Arakita’s joint Sohoku-Hakogaku reunion Christmas party has already started by the time Toudou arrives at their house. He recognizes his old teammates’ cars parked on the driveway and lining the edge of the curb, giant snowflakes already gathering in layers of white atop their roofs. Multiple room lights are turned on inside, shining through the windows facing the street. The faint chimes of Christmas music drifts out from the house, echoing throughout the otherwise silent street, and Toudou can’t help humming along as he treks up the front steps and rings the doorbell.

The door opens after a minute. Arakita pokes his head out and snarls, “You’re late.”

“My taxi driver got lost and I don’t know the streets around here,” Toudou says breezily, brushing past him and shrugging out of his coat. He dumps it in Arakita’s arms. “You shouldn’t have moved to Chiba.”

Arakita mutters darkly under his breath, shaking the snow off his coat and angrily shoving it into the closet like he’d rather toss it into the snow outside. “And keep sharing an apartment with Shinkai? No thanks. I prefer living with someone who doesn’t have a black hole of a stomach and steals all my food.”

“Is that the only reason you moved in with Kinjou? I’m sure he’d be crushed to hear that.”

“That’s not -” Arakita breaks off with a frustrated sound. “Shut up!”

Toudou chuckles. “Fine, I won’t pry. How many people are here, anyway? I saw Fuku’s bike on the porch and there’s so many cars outside, I didn’t know you two had invited that many people…”

His voice trails off as he catches a flash of emerald over Arakita’s shoulder. The head of green turns towards him, and Makishima’s bright blue gaze meets his for one long, terrifying moment.

Then Makishima spins around, disappearing into another room, and Toudou grabs Arakita by his shoulders.

“You told me he wasn’t coming!” he shrieks in his face.

Arakita winces. “I only found out this morning,” he says. “He initially said he wasn’t going to come, but Kin-chan talked him into it.”

“But Kinjou knew I was coming! Why would he do that?!”

“The world doesn’t revolve around you,” Arakita says drily, extricating himself from Toudou’s grasp. “He and Tadokoro haven’t seen him in a while, not even since he moved back here.”

Toudou stops short. “Since he what?”

Arakita pauses, his eyes wide. “You didn’t know? He left England two weeks ago and bought an apartment in Tokyo. His brother’s opening a new studio there and Makishima offered to manage it.”

“How would I know that?!” Toudou screeches. “It’s not like we talk anymore!”

“I know you don’t talk to him, but what about everyone else? Shinkai? Fuku-chan? Wonder Boy? I’m pretty sure they all knew.”

“Well, they didn’t tell me!”

“I’m starting to realize why,” Arakita grumbles. “Is this going to be a problem? Both of you being here?”

Toudou thinks about it. While Kinjou and Arakita’s house wasn’t huge, there were enough rooms that it shouldn’t be too difficult for them to avoid each other for the duration of the party. Makishima would probably stick close to the former Sohoku members anyway. Really, there was no reason for them to interact at all. Even if by some chance they did end up together, all they had to do was ignore each other. It should be fine. They’d successfully ignored each other for the past five years, after all.

He pastes on the most convincing smile he can muster. “No, we’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

“Seriously?” says Makishima incredulously. “We’ll be fine? We haven’t been fine for years, or did you conveniently forget that?”

“We hadn’t even seen each other in five years!” exclaims Toudou. “I didn’t know you were going to blow up at me the second I opened my mouth!”

“You said your plan was for us to ignore each other. Talking to me sort of ruined that plan, didn’t it?”

“That was not my fault! It was because of the bear!”

The first hour of the party is fine. Better than fine - it’s fun. Toudou didn’t realize how much he missed his old teammates until he got the chance to talk with them face-to-face again. He learns that Fuku adopted a stray ginger cat while in Germany for a cycling race that he named Neko. Shinkai added streaks of white to his signature blue highlights. Izumida and Kuroda were both accepted to study abroad in America for two years. Manami, whom Toudou hasn’t met in person for almost a year, had grown another two inches and apparently moved in with Onoda.

“That was fast,” says Toudou. “Haven’t you only been dating for a year?”

Manami smiles beatifically. “That doesn’t matter,” he says. “It’s what we both want.”

Something hot and painful tugs at Toudou’s chest, and it tinges his answering grin with a sort of wistful pride. “If that’s the case, then it’s fine,” he says, patting his old kouhai’s head like he’s a small puppy instead of a man now slightly taller than himself. “Let me know if you or Megane-kun ever need anything!”

Manami gives him a serious nod. “Yes, mother.”

He runs away before Toudou can smack him.

“He’s not wrong,” someone says behind him, and Toudou turns around. Tadokoro smirks, using his wine glass as a prop to gesture at him. “You basically just offered to mother them.”

“That’s not mothering,” Toudou sniffs. “I’m looking out for them. I’m glad they’re happy, but they’re still so young. I don’t want them to make a mistake.”

“I can’t believe you don’t realize how much you sound like a mother,” Tadokoro says, amused. Before Toudou can reiterate that is not, in fact, Manami and Megane-kun’s mother, Tadokoro adds, “Not everyone’s relationship is like yours and Makishima’s, you know.”

Toudou freezes.

“Onoda and Manami aren’t like you two,” he says. “They got together pretty recently - they didn’t dive into a relationship right away. On the surface their decision seems like an impulsive one, but it isn’t. I know they discussed it for a long time before agreeing to give it a try.”

When Toudou speaks again, his tone comes out noticeably cooler than it was earlier. “Are you saying that my choices in high school were an impulsive mistake?”

“Not a mistake,” says Tadokoro. “Just that maybe, you both tried to rush things that you weren’t ready for.”

Toudou opens his mouth, then closes it. There’s nothing he can say to disagree, not when Tadokoro’s opinion mirrors the same thought that’s been plaguing him since the day he and Makishima broke up.

Tadokoro gives him a knowing look and drains his wine glass in one gulp. “Can you get me some more?” he asks, proffering him the empty glass.

Toudou stares at him. “And why should I do that?”

“Because I gave you advice for free.”

“That wasn’t advice! That was criticism of my life choices!”

“Still free, wasn’t it?”

Toudou debates knocking the glass out of his hand and shattering it against the wooden floor for dramatic effect, but instead sighs and takes it. After Tadokoro’s unsolicited ‘advice’, he’s ready for any excuse to leave the room and he’s feeling the urge to get a drink for himself anyway. “Fine. On the condition that you not give me any more ‘advice’ for the rest of the evening.”

Tadokoro heaves a fake sigh. “That’ll be tough, but I think I can manage.”

“Good.” Toudou strides out of the room without a backwards glance, narrowly avoiding walking straight into Yuuto, and heads into the kitchen. Kinjou and Arakita’s kitchen is the largest room in the house, painted pale green with pristine white cabinets encircling the walls. Platters of tempura, gyoza, and yakitori sit on the island in the centre of the room on trays featuring decorative Christmas motifs. The bottles of alcohol are lined neatly atop the marble countertop, where Makishima is pouring what appears to be vodka into his glass of soda.

Makishima’s hand stills over the glass. He carefully caps the bottle and places it back in the line. Toudou stares at him, tamping down his impulse to turn around and flee the kitchen, and blurts out, “Long time no see.”

There’s a moment of silence. Then Makishima slowly lifts his gaze to meet his, and the withering glare he shoots him is so venomous that Toudou swears he can feel the poison tainting the air between them. “What?”

Toudou sets Tadokoro’s glass on the counter, holding up his hands in defense. “Nothing! It was just a greeting! I wasn’t implying anything!”

Makishima snorts. “Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.”

“Well, forgive me if I wanted to pretend we’re not ready to kill each other at our friends’ Christmas party!” retorts Toudou. His patience is already stretched thinner than a rope after Tadokoro’s short speech, and Makishima’s presence is fraying it further. “I thought we could at least be cordial with each other.”

“Sorry for not indulging in your fantasy,” Makishima spits out, stalking past him. “If you’ll excuse me.”

On instinct, Toudou reaches out to grab the sleeve of Makishima’s hideous red Christmas sweater. Makishima jerks back, his drink sloshing over the rim and spilling a few drops onto the tiled floor. He whirls to face him, an angry light in his eyes. “What the hell, Toudou -”

“What is your problem?” Toudou demands. “We broke up five years ago! We haven’t seen or talked at all since then! Are you really still that mad at me over something that happened so long ago?!”

Makishima’s grip on the glass tightens, looking as if he’d like nothing more than to hurl the drink in Toudou’s face. “That,” he says, his tone icy, “is none of your business.”

“Wrong! If it involves me, then it is very much my business. We’re also in Arakita’s house, and if we start at fight at his party he’s going to murder both of us. Painfully. So, it’s better if you just tell me what your problem is and we can move on from there.“

Makishima scowls at him. “You really want to know?”

“Yes!”

“Fine.” Makishima slams his glass down on the island. It wobbles, but miraculously doesn’t break. “It’s exactly what you said, about us breaking up. We’d mutually agreed not to see each other anymore. And yet, here we are.”

Toudou blinks, startled. He can vaguely remember one of them screaming those words on that fateful night, but… “I thought by not seeing each other, we meant, like, not dating anymore,” he says slowly. “Not literally never seeing each other.” Did Makishima really hate him that much, that he’d never wanted to even see Toudou ever again?

“Oh.” Makishima sways slightly on his feet. “That makes…more sense.”

A realization strikes Toudou and he leans forward. Makishima’s breath washes over him, the scent confirming his suspicions, and he frowns. “How are you drunk already? The party only started an hour and a half ago.”

“I’m not drunk.”

Toudou rolls his eyes. “How many shots of vodka did you take, Maki-ch - Makishima?”

Fortunately, Makishima doesn’t appear to notice his slip-up. He glances up at the ceiling, counting in his head. “Eight, I think. Why do you care, anyway?”

Toudou hesitates.

Because I never stopped.

“Because if you faint on the floor, everyone’s going to think I somehow did it,” he says instead. “You know you can’t handle that much alcohol. Why did you drink so much?”

Makishima lets out a humourless laugh, pushing green hair out of his face. “I saw you walk in the front door,” he says. “And I knew I wouldn’t get through this night sober if I had to see your face again during the party.”

The last shred of Toudou’s self-restraint disintegrates and he narrows his eyes, moving deliberately into Makishima’s personal space and jabbing an accusing finger in his face. “Are you implying there’s something wrong with my beautiful face?”

“Oh, was it only an implication? I guess I wasn’t clear enough.” Makishima meets his furious gaze dead-on. “Sorry, I forgot that things that aren’t explicitly stated tend to fly right over your head.”

“Really?” Toudou finds himself unconsciously matching Makishima’s sarcastic tone. “I suppose that’s better than missing hints from right under your nose, wouldn’t you agree?”

To his surprise, Makishima flinches. Before he can dwell on it, a pair of hands latch onto his shoulders and drag him away from Makishima. Toudou stumbles backwards, colliding into someone’s solid chest. He glances up at the strands of auburn, blue and white hanging over his head and snaps, “Let me go, Shinkai!”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jinpachi,” says Shinkai, far more cheerfully than the situation warrants. “You and Yuusuke look like you’re about to start a fistfight. If that happens, Yasutomo -”

“- will kill us, I know.” Toudou tugs fruitlessly at his wrist. “I won’t hit him, I promise.”

Shinkai hums and releases him. Toudou straightens, dusting off his clothes, and only then does he notice Makishima is also being restrained by Tadokoro. Until he looks closer and realizes Makishima’s eyes are closed and he’s actually slumped forward, unconscious in Tadokoro’s arms. Alarm jolts through his spine like a lightning bolt.

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah,” says Tadokoro, patting Makishima’s cheek. Makishima doesn’t stir. “He just drank too much. Let him take a short nap, and he’ll be fine.”

Toudou breathes a quick sigh of relief. He can feel the odd look Shinkai is giving him, but decides to ignore it for now and watches as Tadokoro lifts Makishima like a ragdoll and carries him out of the room. Without Makishima there, the strained air in the room is gone and Toudou can think clearly again.

He groans aloud, adjusting the hairband on his head and fixing the violet strands that had fallen out his place during his argument with Makishima. Why did he even speak to Makishima in the first place? More than that - why did he stop Makishima from leaving the kitchen? If he hadn’t, they would have continued ignoring each other as they’d successfully done until their chance encounter in the kitchen, and Toudou wouldn’t be left with the sick feeling in his gut roiling his emotions like a kitchen blender.

“Jinpachi.” The gravity in Shinkai’s voice catches his attention. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” says Toudou. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m not the one who knocked himself out drinking too much.”

“You still like him, don’t you.” There’s no question in Shinkai’s tone. Just a dawning revelation. “You said you were over him, and we believed you, but -”

“- But nothing!” Toudou says sharply, cutting him off. He takes a deep breath. “Please, just…pretend you didn’t see any of this. I need to be alone for a bit.”

Shinkai studies him for a few seconds, and whatever he sees makes him grin and shoot Toudou the signature finger guns he’s never given up even after graduating from Meisou. “You got it. Arakita said we’re eating in about half an hour, so you should get back here before then.”

“Thanks, Shinkai.” In a brief attempt at reclaiming his normal self, Toudou grins and pats Shinkai’s shoulder. Shinkai nods, but the understanding in his eyes makes the sick feeling in his stomach worsen. Toudou turns quickly, the crafted mask slipping off his face as he brushes past him and heads upstairs by himself.

He decides not to intrude in any of the closed room doors on the upper level and instead sits on the topmost step of the staircase. As the noises from the party fades to background din, Toudou leans his head against the wall and thinks about nothing.

“So that’s where you went,” Makishima mumbles to himself. “When I woke up, I thought you disappeared.”

Toudou huffs a laugh. “You must have been overjoyed.”

Makishima doesn’t reply, and Toudou interprets his silence as agreement. He breathes out, watching the white mist swirl in rings before him. Maybe it’s his imagination, but somehow the air between them doesn’t feel as cold as it was minutes earlier.

“What Shinkai said,” Makishima says suddenly, and Toudou stiffens. “About me. Is that true?”

Toudou is glad Makishima still has his back to him and can’t see the panic he knows just flashed across his face. He wasn’t ready for that conversation with Shinkai in the kitchen, and he’s definitely not ready for it with Makishima now, not when they’re on a roof and it would be easy for Makishima to push him off in a fit of anger and claim it was an accident.

“Don’t listen to him,” says Toudou, struggling to keep his voice even. “You know how Shinkai is - always joking about something.”

“I don’t, actually, since I’ve never spoken to him one-on-one.” He hears Makishima shift into a more comfortable position, the fabric of his jacket crinkling as he settles. “Are you saying he was wrong?”

“Well…I wouldn’t say that either.”

“Then which is it?!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Toudou says quickly. “I’m still trying to prove to you that it wasn’t my fault we’re stuck on this roof, and there’s still one more incident to cover.”

“Oh, right,” says Makishima. “The one that was so obviously your fault that I’m looking forward to how you’re going to twist it in such a way that makes you look good.”

“Excuse you, I always look good.” The automatic response leaves his mouth before he can stop it and Toudou cringes, waiting for Makishima to yell at him some more. To his shock he hears a muffled chortle instead. Almost like Makishima is trying to hide his amusement into his gloves.

The sound sends a pang through Toudou’s heart, a weird mixture of fondness and regret wrapped in red and green, and he clears his throat before it can show on his face.

“Now, where were we?”

Arakita discovers him sulking upstairs approximately half an hour later, as Shinkai estimated, and forcibly drags him down to the table in the dining room. Even in his foul mood, Toudou’s able to appreciate the effort he and Kinjou had put into transforming the fairly nondescript room into an aesthetic Christmas scene. Strings of gold tinsel hang around the room in draping loops along the walls and windows. A tall vase of red and white flowers sits in the centre of the rectangular table. Sixteen plates and cutlery sets are arranged neatly at each place setting, the porcelain white dishes decorated with red, green and gold designs etched into the outside curves of the dishes. The smell of apples and cinnamon burns in the air.

By the time he and Arakita enter the room, everyone else is already seated. Toudou glances over their chairs, nudges Arakita with one elbow, and whispers, “Why are the only two seats that are left both in the same half of the table where Makishima is sitting?”

“We didn’t put a name on each seat - this isn’t a wedding!” Arakita hisses. “Do you think we’re executing a conspiracy against you two? It just happened that way! If you don’t want to sit at the table, you can sit in the kitchen by yourself!”

Toudou pouts at him. “There’s no need to be so mean, Arakita.”

“Then stop spouting nonsense and pick a damn seat.”

Sliding into the chair that’s positioned a little farther from Makishima, Toudou angles his body in the direction away from him and quickly engages in conversation with Fukutomi, who’s sitting beside him. He’s still uncomfortably aware of Makishima picking at his cabbage salad across the table and the way he’s also deliberately avoiding any possible eye contact. The knowledge should have been relieving, but instead it leaves Toudou feeling even emptier than before.

As he scoops out a few pieces of fried chicken onto his plate, Toudou suddenly realizes the whole room has gone quiet and looks up. Everyone, including the younger former Sohoku riders whom he doesn’t even recognize, are staring at him and Makishima like they can sense the boiling tension between them and are waiting for one of them to explode. With great difficulty, Toudou bites back the urge to scream at all of them. Either Tadokoro and Shinkai tattled about their fight in the kitchen, or the terrible relationship between the two of them is so palpable that even Manami, who looked ready to fall asleep in his miso soup when Toudou walked in, is now looking between them like he’s expecting one of them to deck the other any moment.

Toudou forces a laugh, and it rings hollow in the noiseless dining room. “Why are you all so quiet? This is a Christmas party! We should all be celebrating!” He grabs the wine glass in front of him, who someone - probably Arakita - had filled with champagne earlier and lifts it in the air. “How about a toast for the holidays?”

For a moment, no one moves. Then Onoda, with a tentative smile, raises his glass and clinks it against Toudou’s, and Toudou mentally reminds himself to buy the kid a very nice birthday present the next year.

“Merry Christmas!” Manami chimes in, tapping his own glass to Onoda’s, and that breaks the spell. The rest of Toudou’s old Hakone cycling team toast their glasses, Izumida nearly spilling his drink when he knocks it too enthusiastically against Shinkai’s, and soon the Sohoku guys join in too.

Except for one.

“Yuusuke,” says Kinjou, his glass raised with one hand and gesturing at Makishima’s untouched drink with the other, “Merry Christmas.”

“It’s not.” Makishima’s voice is hoarse and barely audible, but somehow it carries across the whole table. “I won’t toast to a lie.”

“Makishima…” Kinjou’s tone drops in a warning, but Makishima is either still a little drunk or he doesn’t care, because he keeps talking.

“You guys don’t have to pretend everything’s fine. I know that because Toudou and I aren’t on good terms anymore, it’s affecting everyone’s mood.” Makishima glances at Kinjou. “You shouldn’t have asked me to come. We’re just ruining the party that you and Arakita worked so hard to arrange, and I’m sorry -”

“Wait a minute,” Toudou interrupts, and silently apologizes to Arakita for the scene he’s sure they’re about to make. “We’re ruining the party? I’m here trying to cheer everyone up and get them back in the Christmas spirit! You’re just dragging them back down with your negativity!”

Makishima snorts a laugh, the sound even more fake than the one Toudou let out minutes earlier. “That’s just like you,” he says. “Thinking everything can be fixed by forcing your own happiness onto other people.”

That stings, more than anything Makishima’s said all evening, but Toudou’s gotten better at hiding his real feelings from others and he presses on. “And what exactly do you mean by that, Makishima?”

“Kuha! You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Um,” says Tadokoro. “Guys, maybe now isn’t the best time -”

“If you’re referring to me asking you to move in with me after high school,” Toudou says loudly, “then I wasn’t forcing my happiness on you! It was only a question!”

Makishima lets out a derisive snort. “Oh, it was only a question? I think that got lost in the translation when you started screaming at me after I turned down your offer.”

“I wasn’t mad that you turned me down!” Toudou objects. “I was mad that you conveniently forgot to mention you were moving to England when you had known for five months beforehand!”

Makishima looks at him askance. “Did you think I forgot to mention it? I didn’t tell you on purpose, because I knew you would react as badly as you did!”

“Of course I reacted badly!” Toudou screeches. “We were in a relationship for a year! By then I thought you trusted me with important information about your life decisions, but that turned out be the worst assumption I’ve ever made, didn’t it?”

“I wasn’t obligated to share every detail about my personal life with you just because you were my boyfriend! You know I’m a private person - I have to keep some secrets to myself until I’m ready to share them. You never had the right to demand to know them!”

“I didn’t,” Toudou begins hotly, then stops short.

Because maybe he never really considered it from Makishima’s point of view, and Makishima’s accusation that he demanded information from him - that is what he’d done, wasn’t it? That fateful day Makishima had, likely unintentionally, broken his heart with a few carelessly spoken words, and in his disappointment Toudou had thrown his hurt feelings in Makishima’s face and blamed them on him. He’d pushed Makishima too far, something Toudou had realized not long after he slammed the door in Makishima’s face and had a few days to cool off, but it never occurred to him that during their fight, he’d dug up Makishima’s insecurities and used them as verbal weapons against his then-boyfriend.

Releasing his held breath, Toudou places his glass back on the table. “That wasn’t my intention. To ask for more than you were prepared to give.”

Makishima scoffs. “You didn’t realize it, maybe, but that was definitely your intention.”

“Not to hurt you!” Toudou shouts, slamming his hands against the table and making the plates and silverware rattle. Onoda jumps and squeaks in alarm but that barely registers in his mind, all of his attention now focused on Makishima glaring balefully at him. “You said I was forcing my happiness on you? If that’s true, then it was only because I thought it was what you wanted! I just wanted you - wanted us - to be happy!”

“In case it escaped your notice, Toudou,” Makishima growls, “you didn’t make anyone happy then, and no one is happy now.”

“And whose fault is that? I’m not the one who went radio silent for five years and decided to dredge up past grudges at a Christmas party!”

Makishima stares at him. “I didn’t - you’re the one who suggested we never talk again just before we left! Why are you complaining about that now? Besides, communication goes two ways, and it’s not like you made any effort to reach out either!”

“…You make it sound so easy,” says Toudou. “Like I could just call you one day and you wouldn’t either hang up immediately, or yell at me for bothering you and end the call before I could get a word in. Because that’s what you do best, isn’t it? Run away from things you don’t like?”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” says Makishima, “when you’re the one who left in the first place when things didn’t go your way.”

“I was upset, as you well know,” Toudou says irritably, “and I did go back the next day, but by the time I got there your mother was kind enough to inform me that you’d decided to stay with the bear for the rest of the month and probably didn’t want to see me anymore!”

“I…” Makishima blinks, seeming surprised. “You came back? Why?”

Toudou fumes.

Because I missed you!

“Because we needed to talk, properly! But you left and I didn’t hear a word from you!” He stands up, leaning across the table as close to Makishima as he can without falling. “It’s like I said! You run away when you’re afraid!”

Makishima’s eyes narrow. They’re close enough that Toudou can see his dilated irises, can faintly feel the warmth of his breath against the tip of his nose. “You think I’m afraid of you? Just because you think you’re the Mountain God?”

“Not afraid of me,” Toudou corrects. “Afraid of us. Of what we had, and what ended up happening to it.”

A flicker of surprise passes through Makishima’s gaze, and Toudou knows he was right. Makishima drops his chopsticks, letting them fall to the table with a clatter, and stands up to meet him eye-to-eye. For a moment, Toudou lets himself imagine that they’ll reach an understanding, fall back in each other’s good graces, and carry on with their friends’ Christmas party in high spirits.

It’s a pipe dream, and Makishima shatters it with one sentence.

“You were afraid of us too,” he says, “or did you think I’d forget that it was you who said you’d rather be miserable without me while I was in England, instead of trying to force something neither of us wanted?”

The memory of the last words Toudou ever spoke to Makishima for five years crashes into his head like a wrecking ball, and suddenly he’s seventeen again, furious and heartbroken and screaming out the ugliest thoughts he had in an attempt to protect the last remnants of the euphoria he’d felt when he bought a new apartment with the intention of rooming with his boyfriend for the next four years. Some of what he’d yelled out was true, some were a downright lie, but in the end it didn’t matter whether they were true or not - they both said whatever they could to make the other hurt, and it worked too well.

Toudou makes a noise that’s dangerously close to a whimper, hands clenching into fists at his side. For a second he sees Makishima draw back one step, perhaps recognizing that he may have went too far, but it’s quickly overtaken by the rage that blurs Toudou’s vision. His world turns red, darker than the scarlet Christmas decorations hanging around Arakita’s house, and he grabs Makishima’s collar to tug him closer.

Makishima opens his mouth to say something, and Toudou punches him in the face.

“Shit!” Makishima staggers backwards. The room dissolves into a babbling chaotic mess. Someone screams - it sounds like Ashikiba - and an arm is locked around Toudou’s throat in an instant, yanking him back and away before he can hit him again. Toudou struggles against Arakita’s vice-like grip as Kinjou holds out the ice pack he summoned out of nowhere and presses it to Makishima’s nose.

“Did he break anything?” asks Arakita.

Kinjou lifts the ice pack, peering at Makishima’s face. “I don’t think so. Yuusuke, do you feel any pain?”

“I’m fine,” Makishima mutters, batting the ice pack away from him. A black bruise is already blossoming on his left cheekbone, a dark contrast against his pale skin. “Toudou couldn’t hurt a flower if he punched it.”

Toudou redoubles his efforts to escape. “Excuse me?!”

“Okay, that’s the last straw,” Arakita says abruptly, tightening his hold and nodding at Kinjou. “Bring him too.”

Toudou swears he sees a small smirk grace Kinjou’s face before his usual stoic expression returns and he takes Makishima’s arm. Arakita leads them upstairs, past the step where Toudou was sitting earlier, and stops in front of the wide bay windows facing the street outside. The snowfall has lightened, falling in gently drifting flurries and leaving a coating of white over the roof tiles of Arakita and Kinjou’s garage. An airplane flies overhead, and the low drone of its engines makes Toudou aware of how quiet it is compared to the shouting match he and Makishima held in the dining room.

He winces. “Arakita, about what just happened -”

“Save it!” Arakita barks, flipping the latch on the windows and pushing them open. The freezing air rushes into the room, dropping the temperature about ten degrees and raising the hairs on Toudou’s arms.

“What are you doing?” he complains. “It’s cold! Close the window!”

“Nope,” he says, moving past them to open the nearby closet and pull out two sets of winter gear, complete with jackets, gloves, and boots. He tosses one at Toudou and the other at Makishima. “You disrupted the whole party and ruined everyone’s night. This is your punishment.”

“Punishment?” Makishima repeats weakly. “Look, I’m really sorry -”

“I said I don’t want to hear it!” Arakita snaps. “Kin-chan and I already decided on this beforehand.”

Makishima shoots his friend a betrayed look. “Decided on what?”

“We’re kicking you both out,” says Kinjou, pushing up his glasses. “Onto the roof. We’re going to lock the window, and you’re not allowed to come back out until you resolve your differences and promise not to negatively interfere with our Christmas party any longer.”

“Or until you get into another fight and push each other off the roof.” Arakita shrugs, a wicked grin curving his mouth. “Either way, our problem is solved.”

“Hang on a second,” Toudou says, mounting panic flooding his brain, “you can’t leave us alone out there! It’s minus two degrees outside!”

Arakita points. “That’s what the jacket and gloves are for.”

“We’re going to kill each other,” says Makishima. “What if you’re charged with accessory to manslaughter?”

“Yeah, nice try. It’s not going to work.” Arakita lifts Toudou like he weighs nothing more than a sack of potatoes and shoves him through the window. “I don’t care whether you kill each other up here, but try not to spill any blood on the roof. The construction only finished two weeks ago and if we have to pay to fix it, I’m taking the money from Toudou’s bank account.”

“What?” Toudou shrieks as Kinjou gently but forcefully bundles Makishima out the window. “Why mine?”

“Because you threw the first punch, so I’m blaming you for any subsequent punches,” says Arakita. “We’ll come back when you’re ready to stop scaring the younger kids.”

“Have fun,” adds Kinjou.

The window locks behind them.

“And that’s what happened,” Toudou finishes triumphantly.

Makishima gives him a bewildered look. “Why do you sound happy about that? You didn’t prove your point at all. You’re the one who punched me in the face.”

“Yes, but that’s because you made fun of me first,” Toudou explains. “Which happened because I taunted you. All of it can be traced back to when we happened to meet in the kitchen, or if we’re looking even further back, the fact that we both came to this party without knowing the other would be there.”

Makishima mumbles something Toudou can’t make out.

“What?”

“I said, I knew you were coming,” he says. “Kinjou told me beforehand.”

Toudou’s mouth drops open. “And you still showed up?” he squawks.

“I thought the same as you - that I could avoid you the whole time,” says Makishima. “I forgot that you liked to go poking into other people’s business, especially mine.”

“That’s not what I -” Toudou cuts himself off, flopping backwards onto the roof and ignoring the cold flash of snow suddenly gathered against his neck. He closes his eyes. “Nevermind. I’m too tired to fight anymore. You can push me off the roof, if you want.”

Makishima doesn’t say anything for a full minute. Toudou almost fears he’s actually considering pushing him off until he says quietly, “That’s not what I want.”

Toudou snorts. “That’s a relief - that’d be a terrible way for someone as gorgeous as me to die. Good thing you don’t hate me enough to kill me.”

“I don’t -” Makishima exhales. “I never hated you, Toudou.”

Toudou’s eyes shoot open and he sits up, fast enough to make his head spin from the sudden movement. “What?”

Makishima’s gaze is piercing. “Do you hate me?”

“Yes! No! I don’t -” A frustrated sound escapes him and Toudou looks away. “I don’t know. I didn’t think I hated you, but that moment just before I hit you - I was really, really mad at you.”

“I could tell,” Makishima says drily.

“I am sorry for punching you, though.”

Makishima waves off his apology. “It’s fine. I kind of deserved it. It doesn’t even hurt that much, so I guess I was right about you not being able to throw a decent punch.”

Toudou wants to be offended, but he doesn’t want to destroy the wordless truce they’ve agreed on and settles for a shrug. “It’s strange,” he says. “I was angry, and I wanted to hurt you, but at the same time - I didn’t really want to hurt you.” He looks down at his fingers, reflexively clenching them into a fist. “I heard people usually injure their hands the first time they punch someone, and yet I’m fine. I don’t think I used my full strength, even though I’m sure I meant to.”

“Huh.” Makishima scratches the side of his nose, tinted pink from the cold air. “Whether you meant to or not…I’m sorry, too. For what I said. I shouldn’t have said it in front of everyone like that.”

Toudou sighs, tucking his legs closer to his body and wrapping his arms around his knees. “I didn’t like it, but I said some pretty nasty stuff about you too,” he admits. “We were both acting stupid.”

Makishima barks a laugh. It’s as self-deprecating as always, but something about the familiar sound is comforting to Toudou’s ears. “Guess we haven’t changed much from all those years ago.”

“Maybe not,” says Toudou, “but it was cathartic, I think. To yell at you like that. Don’t you agree?”

“Well, I’ve found it cathartic to yell at you since the day we met, so…”

“Rude, Maki-ch - argh!” It’s rare for Toudou to feel this embarrassed, but in this moment he wishes he could sink through the roof and disappear from Makishima’s sight. He buries his face in his hands with a groan.

A gloved hand touches his shoulder, tentative like it’s afraid Toudou will break if it grips too hard, and the contact shocks Toudou enough to lift his head. “Eh?”

“You almost called me that back in the kitchen, too,” Makishima observes. Before Toudou can deny it, he sighs. “I don’t care what you call me, Toudou. I’m not going to get mad at you over a nickname you’ve always used anyway.”

“Are you sure?” Toudou says hesitantly. “I didn’t think it would be appropriate, considering we’re not, well, close anymore.”

“I didn’t think you of all people cared about what was appropriate or not.”

“I just didn’t want you to hate me any more than you already did.”

Makishima looks taken aback. “I said I never hated you -”

“I didn’t know that before!” On instinct, Toudou clasps Makishima’s hand on his shoulder, squeezing his fingers between his. “I know I said you got scared and ran away from our relationship, but I got scared sometimes too, you know?” His mind flashes back to his conversation with Tadokoro and maybe you both tried to rush things that you weren’t ready for. “We didn’t communicate, not properly,” he says, the realization hitting him as he says the words. “That’s why we fell apart, isn’t it?”

Makishima’s voice softens. “Maybe,” he says. “We don’t know what would have happened if we’d stayed together when I moved to England. But that was likely our biggest problem, yes. I wouldn’t say it was our only obstacle, but it did ruin our relationship in the end.”

Toudou swallows. While he’d obviously missed going on dates with Makishima, that wasn’t what had hurt the worst during those first few painful months. It was losing Makishima as one of his best friends. He’d grown so used to calling and texting Makishima on a whim about things from trivial information, to advice on cycling, to just wishing to hear Makishima’s voice, that suddenly not being able to do it anymore had been torture. His excitement about graduating and heading to university had all but dissipated, leaving nothing but regrets and what-ifs for him to carry into the future.

“I didn’t hate you,” Toudou says, testing the words, and he’s relieved to find they don’t taste like a lie. “I just missed you, so much, and it hurt. I didn’t hate you. I hated that we’d ended on such bad terms and you were a million miles away before I could try to fix us. I hated that I was sure you hated me. I hated that I couldn’t hate you no matter how much I wanted to.” He moves his hand from Makishima’s to his own face, pressing his fingers against his eyelids in an attempt to stop the tears he can feel leaking out. “Most of all, I hated that it was my fault.”

“What? Toudou, didn’t we just establish that it was both of our faults?”

“I asked you to move in with me, without warning, and you rightfully flipped out.” Toudou tries to laugh, but the choked sound he makes can’t be mistaken as anything but a sob. “I should have asked what you thought of the idea before suddenly springing that on you.”

“That’s not your fault, Toudou.” Makishima rubs a hand against his own face. “I never told you I was graduating early, so you didn’t expect to have to ask about that yet. And you wanted it to be a surprise, I get that. I was just, you know, surprised.”

“You hate surprises.”

“Well, yes, but you were also trying to be romantic, right?” A pretty flush covers Makishima’s cheeks. “I only realized that days later.”

“I figured as much, Maki-chan.” The name slips out by accident. Toudou bites his tongue, but doesn’t take it back. “You wouldn’t recognize a romantic gesture if it hit you over the head with a brick -”

“Oi!”

“- and I knew that even before we started dating.” He offers him a smile. “It’s fine.”

“That’s not a good excuse, though,” Makishima says, looking down. “You made more of an effort to understand me than I did at getting to know you. I accused you of trying to force our relationship, but that’s better than what I did - I didn’t try nearly hard enough to keep us together.”

More tears slide down Toudou’s cheeks in rivers. “Maki-chan…”

“That wasn’t fair to you. And I think…that’s why I ran away to England.” Makishima breathes out. “You deserved better than me.”

Toudou stares as Makishima continues to studiously avoid looking at him, his gaze firmly set on the pitch-black horizon. Then he can’t help it - he lets out a genuine laugh, his shoulders shaking with the force of trying to hold in his amusement. He’s still crying, can still feel the salty warmth against the chill of his skin, but his mood is significantly lighter.

Makishima, on the other hand, is gaping at him as though Toudou has lost his mind, an offended expression taking shape on his face. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Not at you!” Toudou reassures him, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I’m laughing at us. It’s not actually that funny, it’s just - I realized we really are the same kind of stupid.”

Makishima arches an eyebrow.

Toudou spreads his hands out, a little helplessly. “I let you go because I thought you deserved better than me.”

“You -” Makishima looks astonished. “What?”

“I almost bought a plane ticket to England,” says Toudou, and the memory almost sends him into another fit of hysterics. “I’d filled out all the details online and was all set to order. But I didn’t - I couldn’t go through with it. I thought, what was the point? Even if we somehow made up - which at the time seemed highly unlikely - I wasn’t going to stay in England, and you weren’t coming back to Japan. I thought you’d be better off living your life freely the way you wanted, instead of feeling like you were stuck until you grew too tired of me.”

“I see it now,” he continues, voice trembling. “We really didn’t talk at all, did we? Not about the important things. You said I tried harder to understand you, and I did try, but I could have also just asked you about your thoughts instead of always trying to figure things out behind your back.” Toudou presses his lips together. “I know I already said it, but I really am sorry about that. I should have talked to you directly first.”

Makishima frowns at him. “You know, I think you’ve said ‘sorry’ more times today than I’ve ever heard you say in your entire life,” he says. “It’s not like you, and it’s making me uncomfortable.”

Toudou splutters. “You said it too, and you don’t usually say it either!”

“Ha, that’s true.” Makishima picks at the fabric on his gloves, tearing at a tiny hole in the green thread. “How about we both acknowledge that the blame for our breakup lies on both of us, and promise to stop apologizing for it?”

A promise. When was the last time he and Makishima made a promise together?

“Okay,” says Toudou. “I promise.”

“And please stop crying,” adds Makishima, glancing at him. “That’s also making me uncomfortable.”

Toudou chuckles, using his gloves to brush away the last of his tears. “I see you’re still allergic to emotions after all these years.”

“Shut up.”

Stretching out his legs, Toudou lies back on the roof tiles and looks up at the stars high above them. They’re partially obscured by the drifting clouds and falling snow, but he can still spot several tiny pinpoints of light in the sky. He raises his hands, framing right angles with his thumb and index finger, and tests them against the stars.

“What are you doing,” Makishima deadpans.

“We’re still locked out here until Arakita or Kinjou comes back to free us,” says Toudou. “So we might as well find something to do. I’m seeing whether I can recognize any of the constellations.”

“I’m surprised we can even see the stars in this weather. I doubt you’ll find a complete constellation.”

Toudou shrugs. “Maybe, but you never know until you try.”

Snow crunches under Makishima’s jacket and pants as he lies down beside Toudou. He shifts closer, close enough for their shoulders to touch and for Toudou to feel the warmth emanating from Makishima’s body heat. He instinctively burrows into the source of warmth, leaning his head into the juncture between Makishima’s shoulder and neck, and he hears his sharp intake of breath. Makishima doesn’t say anything, though, merely readjusts into a more comfortable position.

They’re silent for several long minutes, Toudou continuing to search the sky with Makishima’s quiet breathing in his ear. Eventually, Makishima asks in a voice as soft as the snow under their backs, “Toudou, what are we doing?”

“Looking at the stars -”

“You know what I’m talking about,” he says impatiently. “Just now, you said even if we somehow made up, which at the time seemed highly unlikely. At that time.” Makishima’s voice cracks. “What about now? What exactly were you trying to say?”

Toudou lowers his hands, carefully considering his next words. “I wasn’t saying anything that I’m forcing us to do,” he says. “I was just suggesting that now, I wouldn’t mind if we became friends again.”

Makishima chews on his bottom lip. “Just friends?” he asks.

“Just -” Toudou blinks, rolling onto his side to face him. “What are you trying to say?”

“I…” Makishima coughs, his face reddening. “You know I’m not good at talking, especially about my feelings. But that’s how I screwed up last time, so that’s why I want to tell the truth now. And the truth is…I’m still in love with you.”

Toudou stares at him. Disbelief and a hint of something else, something unexpected but definitely pleasant, melts in his veins like thawed frost and he pinches the skin on his arm to make sure he isn’t dreaming. The flare of pain alerts him to the fact that yes, he is sitting on Arakita and Kinjou’s roof in the middle of winter while his ex-boyfriend confesses he still loves him. Toudou is sure he can count on one hand the amount of times Makishima had verbally expressed his affection for him, and the knowledge that he’s willing to do so now, when they’d been fighting less than an hour ago, means more to him than he could ever say in words, and his eyes well up again.

“It’s okay, if you’re not anymore,” says Makishima. “I don’t expect -”

“Maki-chan,” Toudou cuts him off, grinning through his tears. “Did you really think I ever stopped?”

Makishima gives a tentative smile back. With the white snowflakes in his emerald hair shining under the moonlight, Toudou thinks he’s never looked more beautiful. “I didn’t want to assume.”

“That’s why I’m telling you.” Feeling happier than he’s been in ages, Toudou moves to grip Makishima’s hand in his own, and Makishima clutches it back. “I love you too. Always have, and always will.”

Makishima lets out a slow breath. “Good. I’m glad.”

“I don’t think we should jump back into a relationship right away, though,” Toudou says, reluctantly because as much as he’s tempted to do just that, he knows it’s a bad idea considering their rocky history. “We should be friends, first. Fit each other back into our lives. And if everything works out and we’re both happy and ready, then we can try again. How does that sound?”

“Sounds perfect, Jinpachi,” says Makishima, and Toudou’s heart stutters in his chest. He shuffles closer, stretching up to place a kiss on Makishima’s cheek and threading his other hand through the familiar soft strands of green hair. Makishima shivers at the touch, his hand squeezing Toudou’s to the point where it’s bordering on painful. Toudou lingers there, his lips on Makishima’s skin, until the loud click of the window unlatching startles him into rearing back.

“Are you idiots seriously making out on the roof?” says Arakita, sounding distinctly unimpressed. “When I said I didn’t you care if you fell to your deaths, I didn’t mean you two shouldn’t care about your own lives either!”

“We’re not making out!” Toudou shrills.

“Does it look like I care?” Arakita retorts. “If you’re done reconciling or whatever the hell you’re doing right now, get back inside. We finished dinner already, but there’s still dessert left. Don’t expect me to save you any chocolate cake if you decide to stay here forever.”

As he turns to leave, Toudou lets go of Makishima, scrambling to his feet and cupping his hands around his mouth. “Arakita!”

Arakita whips around. “Stop yelling! The neighbours are going to call the cops on us if you’re too noisy!”

“Arakita,” Toudou repeats, quieter but still loud enough for Arakita to hear. “Thank you.”

“Tch. Whatever.” In spite of his words, there’s a smirk splitting Arakita’s face when he strides away and Toudou can’t help the delighted laugh that bubbles out of his chest.

He turns back to face Makishima, who’s watching him with a tender expression that Toudou hasn’t seen for a long time. When he notices Toudou is watching him back, he instantly breaks eye contact, mumbling something Toudou can’t hear under his breath, and Toudou’s mouth twitches into a fond smile.

“Maki-chan,” he says warmly, holding out one hand. “Let’s go.”

Makishima meets his eyes. They’re the same vivid blue as always, sparkling with an emotion Toudou can’t put into words but knows all the same. “Yeah.”

He takes his hand.

#toumaki advent calendar 2018 #submission #toumaki #fantasysorceress #spider-maki

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jadehqknb · 7 years ago

Note

83 for Maki-chan please ♡

"Do I miss anyone right now?” the peak spider considers. A sigh escapes as he looks out the window at the London city line. “Don’t tell them I said this,” he finally replies, a dark blush creeping up his neck, “but I really miss my Sohoku guys.”

#yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #makishima #question and answer #sfw #vambaer

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norihisahyuga-archived · 7 years ago

Note

Judgement issate

The black circle around his wrist has mocked him for the last decade and a half of his life; even now, in his car, Teshima Junta’s eyes are drawn to it. It had been so long since he last saw what it looked like wrapped in color that he forgets what the specific shades and hues are, but he remembers the day it reverted back to black clearly in his mind. Once you found your soulmate, it flared with colors that would make you think of them, or at least it was supposed to. The only reason it would revert back to black was if your soulmate chose to reject you.

He had been rejected; the memory makes a bitter smile curl across his face and he leans the back of his head against the car seat’s headrest, taking a deep breath to calm himself. When the letter had come in the mail, he had almost thrown it out without a second thought. Cycling had been important to him when he was in high school, but his team had failed the Inter-High he had participated in as captain and so he never went back to it once he went on to university. He traded his road racer in for a normal bicycle, figuring it would cost him less money in the long run if he never had to pay for transportation anywhere. And then he bought a car and put the bike away somewhere where he hardly ever looked at it anymore.

Loss should not have affected him as badly as it had; Hakone and Kyoto Fushimi were great teams and losing should not have been so far removed from reality that Teshima felt cruelly robbed when all was said and done. But losing the race had nothing to do with it; it had everything to do with the fact he had crossed the finish line on the final day with his mark back to black after it had been flared to brilliant color the two days before.

People had noticed. It was impossible to miss, and though he knew no one would ask questions about it or spread rumors around out of a sense of basic decency, he knew that they knew what it meant. Even if they had no idea that his soulmate was on his team with him, they would know what the black color’s return would mean in the long-run.

The team had been compromised because of that change, that shift, an argument on the night before the third day that led to both him and Kaburagi Issa not quite racing as well as they should have been able to. Issa had been having issues on the second day and Teshima’s concern had turned into a full-blown fight that the team had to split them up before it came to blows. Issa had been dishonest with them about his condition and Teshima had only been worried about him; by the end of the night, he was furious and broken hearted.

His senpai would have been disappointed with him. He can almost feel it even though none of them had ever said a word to him about it.

The letter had come from Kinjou, who had decided to set up the meet-up now that all of them had graduated from university and made lives for themselves. Most of them had not seen each other in years; Teshima had ended up at a university far away from the others, partially on purpose and partially because none of them had applied to it in the first place. It would have been too easy to throw the letter away and forget Sohoku altogether.

But Teshima has never been one to turn a blind eye to a problem, and fifteen years is more than enough time for him to straighten out his thoughts and decide that he wants to talk to Issa face-to-face and find out just why their argument had ended the way it did.

The restaurant is one he knows well as a place they had all come together more than a few times, and he sits outside of it with his eyes closed, relaxing his breathing until he can step out of his car without feeling like he should throw himself back in and go home. A glance through one of the large windows shows him exactly where his team is positioned, taking up a few tables all pushed together to make room for all of them.

“Teshima-san!” The familiar voice of Imaizumi Shunsuke draws Teshima’s attention from the window to the doorway, where Imaizumi stands, holding it open with a smile on his face. That throws Teshima off for a moment; Imaizumi’s face has softened around the edges when he used to be nothing but sharp corners. “We were worried you weren’t going to come after all.”

“No worries to be had. I’m here now.” Teshima pastes a smile on his face he does not quite feel and joins Imaizumi at the door, allowing his kouhai to lead him to the table.

The others greet him and Teshima reflects that none of them look the same now, more grown-up, more grown into themselves when they had all been awkward teenagers not quite used to the muscle they had packed on. He also doesn’t notice Issa at the table; the bright orange hair has been traded for something more muted, something Teshima himself almost misses even though he would have sworn Issa would never be able to dodge his eyes.

Dinner is a little awkward with both of them there, but Teshima pulls his sleeve over his wrist and steers the conversation expertly away from the tension. Within a few minutes, no one forgets what happened. It isn’t as though anyone can see Issa’s mark, after all; the handprint itself is on his shoulder and covered by his shirt. Teshima himself had never been able to check whether it had gone back to black or not considering the rejection was one-sided.

By the end of the night, he’s resolved not to bring it up at all and is on his way back to his car when a hand catches him around the wrong wrist and his stomach roils unpleasantly.

“Don’t do that!” He yanks his hand away from Issa, holding it against his chest. “I told you on the last day you couldn’t do that anymore because it makes me nauseous. What do you want?”

Issa looks struck at first, as if he expected Teshima to treat him more gently, but Teshima has grown out of that, and Issa is an adult now. He can take care of himself. “Sorry, I just… I forgot, I guess. It’s been a long time and I’ve tried to do my best to forget about that.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Teshima tries to keep the bitterness in his voice turned down low because he has no desire to get into a fight right now. He just wants to go home. “You must want something or you wouldn’t have followed me out to my car.”

“I just wanted to apologize. I never did, properly, and…” Issa trails off, shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans and tips his head back, eyes searching the heavens; if he’s looking for a sign from God, Teshima hopes he doesn’t get one. He should have to do this himself since he chose to reject their bond by himself. “I know it messed us up bad on day three and that was your last Inter-High. And more than that, I know it hurt you a lot because you went off to university and Aoyagi-san came back to our next Inter-High, but you never did.”

Teshima swallows a knot in his throat at these words; he had circled the date on his calendar that he would have to leave by to make it there, but in the end he never summoned the courage necessary to make the trip. “I wasn’t exactly looking forward to seeing you again.”

“Wow, that’s rough!” Issa laughs a little, then shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “But I know. I understand. I broke your heart and you didn’t want to see me anymore.”

That was putting it lightly. Teshima had considered over the years that he might even get a tattoo to cover up the mark on his wrist. It would hurt terribly because the skin there was thin, but it would save him a lot of heartbreak in the end, right? “That’s about the shape of it. I was actually going to ask you why… Why you did that. We were just talking about how you weren’t feeling well and then suddenly it snowballed into something personal.”

“I don’t hate you or anything. I just— I really thought Danchiku was going to be the one, and then it turned out to be someone who treated me like a little kid, or that’s what I felt like. I didn’t have enough respect for you.” Issa stops and takes a breath, and Teshima wonders how long it had taken him to come to this conclusion, and how much longer it had taken him to gather up the strength to talk about it. “I shouldn’t have. God, I really shouldn’t have. I said all those awful things and like, I knew it would be easy to break it, and I was upset, and I guess I just wanted someone else to be upset too. And I did something awful because of it.”

“Yeah, you did.” Teshima leans against the door of his car and scrubs a hand over his face. “I can’t just forget about it, you know. I can see the mark all the time. Other people can see it. I haven’t even wanted to try dating someone else because people always assume I just haven’t met my soulmate, and I just don’t want to have to explain that no, I have, and—”

“Understandable.” Issa reaches out to him again and Teshima flattens himself against the door of the car. “No, don’t, listen. I just… I know what I did wrong and I’m sorry. I haven’t been with anyone else either, actually. You know, I wanted to ask Danchiku, but after… I couldn’t.”

Teshima bites down on his tongue and takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Well, that’s your own fault. You made the choice for both of us.”

“No. I only made the choice for me. I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell you, but.” Issa grabs the collar of his shirt in one hand, twists it and yanks it down until Teshima can just see the edge of the mark on his shoulder, the purple and blue watercolor scheme there. “But I thought I should after the way dinner went. Because you deserved to know the truth. I only made the choice for me and I’ve thought about it every day in my life because you… You never—”

“It hurts, you know? It’s physically painful. It hurt me, it felt like my heart had been ripped out and my wrist hurt for a week or longer. It hurt when you touched it, just now.” Teshima touches the mark through his sleeve, rubbing it soothingly. “I couldn’t do that to you. I didn’t hate you, Issa, I never did. I didn’t even know you. I thought we could get to know each other.”

Issa fixes his shirt, running a hand through his hair. “But I ruined our chances of that by rejecting the bond right away. I’m sorry, Teshima-san. I never… I was a stupid kid and I didn’t even give us a chance and I’m sorry that it hurt you like it did.”

Teshima’s wrist throbs anew and he hisses, pulling back his sleeve to look at it properly, but he stops as soon as he sees it. The black is gone, replaced by a brilliant watercolor mixture of oranges and reds, one he hasn’t seen in fifteen years. He slumps against the side of his car and when Issa takes his wrist in hand again, the pain fades away immediately.

“Maybe we can still try,” Teshima finds himself saying, even though he knows the first time ending like it did was probably a sign of things to come. Still, he stamps down on that thought and straightens himself up, wrapping his hand around Issa’s shoulder where he knows the mark to be. “No promises it’ll work out obviously, but—”

“But we can still try,” Issa finishes. And then he smiles, and Teshima feels just a little lighter.

Maybe they can make this work. Maybe they can’t. But at least this time, they’re going to give it a serious try.

#a soulmate au but a rejection au too? hmm #yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #issa kaburagi #junta teshima #halfpastmonsoon #asks

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pedaldemon · 8 years ago

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Pedals trivia from Watanabe-sensei’s sign event (17 April)

This is a quick translation of some trivia answered by Sensei at today’s event that I’ve seen going around on twitter. There’s probably a lot more I’m missing, so I might add to this post if something else crosses my twitter feed. For now, here we go:

Sohoku

If Imaizumi were to go pro, he would go abroad, but which country or team is undecided. Sensei said, “wherever he got his contract”.

Teshima has had one-on-one practice with Makishima in the past, and tried desperately to make conversation as they rode, but because Makishima is so bad at carrying a conversation, he only gave answers like, “Huh,” and “Really,” and Teshima was at a loss.

Makishima only replies to one of every ten messages Toudou sends him, and none of his letters.

Makishima won’t go back to England immediately after this summer’s IH is over, but will stay a short while.

Hakone Gakuen

Toudou pierced his ear.

Toudou only takes his headband off when he’s going to get in the bath at the end of the day.

As a child, Toudou was taught mainly penmanship and traditional Japanese dance.

Kuroda is an older brother (he has a younger sister).

The new HakoGaku third years are all in different classes.

Q: “It feels like Arakita is a lot more relaxed at Yonan.” A: “I think it’s like he was able to let go of something.” (Sensei literally says, “as if he was released from something”, but it’s positive).

Toudou is working part-time at an izakaya (Japanese tavern/bar). This trivia is exploding on twitter, but somebody reported that Sensei said “Toudou is working as a home tutor” to somebody else, so it might be something he came up with in that moment.

Shinkai Hayato works part-time at a café.

Yuuto’s image colors are yellow & black (hornet colors).

Yuuto can cook. His specialty is pasta. (This is so cute. When the poster asked Sensei what Yuuto’s best dish was, Sensei replied, “Hold on, I need to do a search inside my head” and thought about it while drawing their request before replying that it’s pasta.)

Ashikiba is hard for Sensei to draw, but he likes drawing him.

Kyoto Fushimi

Mizuta’s birthday is on January 3rd. (Sensei seemed to come up with it on the spot, according to the poster)

Other

The Spare Bike volumes that are planned for the future are, in order: Tadokoro, Kanzaki Tooji, Machimiya, Hiroshima, Fukutomi.

Q: “Do you draw races already knowing who is going to win?” A: “Yes, for the most part, I draw the race with that outcome in mind, but in the end, sometimes someone tries very very hard and ends up winning instead.”

#yowamushi pedal #watanabe-sensei #pedals trivia #translations #yowapeda

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blondthndrninja · 7 years ago

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Wrote another fun YowapedaAU oneshot because why the hell not. Now I was inspired to write this because I’ve seen fanfic AUs where Onoda is a face in the crowd and Manami is the famous one, however I want to see that twisted up a bit maybe even...reversed. Thus, this oneshot was born, it can even be considered a sequel to this. Anyways, here it is!

Title: Otaku of Rock - Part 2

Rated: K+

Pairing: Manami Sangaku X Onoda Sakamichi if you squint

‘Wow, I’m having so much fun!’ Onoda thought as his fingers moved quickly across the strings of his electric guitar, ‘Imaizumi-kun sounds amazing as always, Sugimoto-kun is doing great with the drums, and Naruko-kun is incredible too!’ he smiled brightly as the end of the second chorus approached which Onoda knew meant it was almost time for his guitar solo, ‘I’m having so much fun!’ He stepped out on stage and performed his solo with great enthusiasm the screams of the fans fueling the ecstasy he felt on stage as people called out the name of their band.

‘I can’t believe these people love us so much!’ Onoda thought as he played the last chords of the song and listened to the cheers of the audience, ‘I’m so glad we got a chance to perform at the school festival!’

Naruko let out a loud laugh before picking up the microphone, “Thank you everyone! We’ll be back in a few so sit tight!”

Onoda smiled and moved off the stage with the others wiping the sweat off his brow. A short break was just what they needed, playing the guitar was fun but his fingers needed a good rest.

Onoda hummed happily to himself as he walked around the tents. Imaizumi had promised to text him five minutes before they would be performing again. He glanced at his phone to check the time noting he had some time to at least buy something to drink before going back on stage only to collide into someone by accident.

“Ah! S-Sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going!” Onoda said as he looked at the person he had ran into, he was a few centimeters taller with blue hair and blue eyes that were slightly lighter than his own. The stranger smiled, “Please don’t worry about it, I wasn’t paying attention either.” He then blinked and suddenly his smile widened, “Hey! You’re the one who was playing the bright yellow guitar on stage earlier, your performance was amazing!”

Onoda blushed at the compliment and waved his hand, “A-Ah…I-I’m not that impressive I only play an instrument!”

“But your solo was incredible! I had chills just watching you…you’re really an incredible performer.” The boy said.

“Heh…well I-I’m glad you think so.” Onoda said with an embarrassed smile, “Sorry to take up your time…I’ll go on my way.”

“Where are you going?”

“Oh…I just wanted to buy a drink before I go back on stage.”

“Let me buy it for you.” The blue haired boy said.

“Oh please you don’t have to! I’ve caused enough trouble!”

“Nonsense! You’re not troubling me at all!” the boy said grabbing Onoda’s hand, “I want to hear more about you! Will you tell me your name?”

“It’s Onoda. Onoda Sakamichi.”

“You have such a great name Sakamichi-kun!”

They talked for a good while. The boy’s name was Manami Sangaku, he explained to Onoda that he wasn’t exactly from this area of town. He had been wandering through Chiba when he hear the music from the school festival and walked over to see their band performing. He had been enthralled by the music, especially Onoda’s electric guitar playing. He claimed Onoda was better than most he had heard in his life. Onoda of course thought the compliment was too much but Manami claimed that he meant every word he was saying.

Suddenly Onoda’s phone vibrated and he flipped it open, “Ah…it’s almost time for the show to start again. Sorry Manami-kun I need to head back.”

“That’s fine, I’ll walk you back.” Manami said.

“Really, you don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t mind Sakamichi-kun, besides someone needs to make sure you don’t get hounded by fans.” The blue haired boy said as he grabbed Onoda’s hand once more, “We better hurry, you don’t want to miss your performance.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you for walking me back here Manami-kun.” Onoda said with a sincere smile, “I really appreciate it.”

“No, thank you Sakamichi-kun. You made my day a lot more exciting.” He said, “Say, would you exchange numbers with me? I know that might be forward but I really would like to see you again if there’s a chance.”

“O-of course!” Onoda said, “I had a lot of fun hanging out with you Manami-kun.”

After numbers were exchanged Manami stared at Onoda with an expression the otaku couldn’t place, “Good luck on stage, Sakamichi-kun.”

“Thank you!” Onoda said cheerfully as he waved at Manami before making his way to the back of the stage only to be grabbed by Sugimoto who had a wild look in his eyes, “Onoda-kun, what was that?!”

“Huh?!” Onoda looked at Sugimoto in confusion, “I-I was just exchanging numbers with Manami-kun!”

“You exchanged numbers?!?!” Sugimoto asked practically in hysterics, “That easily?!”

“Um…yes?”

“Oi calm down idiot, you’re freaking Onoda-kun out!” Naruko said smacking Sugimoto on the head before looking at Onoda, “Onoda-kun…you know who Manami Sangaku is, right?”

“Huh? Do you know him too Naruko-kun…is he a friend of yours?”

“Oh God…you really don’t know much outside of anime do you?” Naruko shook his head, “Manami Sangaku is also known as Blue Angel, he’s a J-pop idol…like…top of the charts J-pop idol.”

“Eh?” Onoda blinked a few times, “N-no way! Manami-kun is famous?!” he then looked up the name on his phone and came across multiple searches for ‘Blue Angel’ and ‘Manami Sangaku��, “EHHHHHHH?!?!?!”

Manami smiled to himself as he left the school festival, ‘I thought today would be boring but now I’m glad I came here.’ Suddenly he heard his phone ringing and picked it up, “Hello?”

“Don’t you ‘hello’ me mister! Where the hell did you take off to?! Your manager’s about ready to pull out her hair so you better tell me where your ass is so I can come get you!” a shrill angry voice said on the other line.

“I’m sorry Toudou-san, I didn’t mean to worry you I was just so bored hanging out at the studio so I decided to take a walk. I just left Sohoku High School…they were having a school festival and there was a band performing.”

“Is that right? Well stay over there and don’t move until I find you!”

“Their performance was really nice and I even got to talk to their guitarist. He was really impressive.”

“Oh? That’s a huge coming from you considering you never dish out compliments. You never have anything to say about other performers in the industry except for me, but we all know I’m perfect so that’s to be expected.” Toudou said, “So he’s an amateur?”

“Yes but he’s got the potential to be professional.”

“Hmmm…interesting. Tell me more when I get there.”

“Of course Toudou-san.” Manami said before hanging up the phone and looking back towards the festival as he heard the music start playing again, ‘He deserves a bigger stage…I want to see you shine Sakamichi-kun.’

END

#sansaka #Manami sangaku #onoda sakamichi #imaizumi shunsuke #naruko shoukichi #sugimoto #yowapedaAU #yowamushi pedal AU #oh yes I did #I made another one #because Onoda needs all the love #and let him be in the spotlight #he deserves to shine

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flockofdoves · 8 years ago

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i need like ,,, a Concise version of my current hcs so:

onoda is my beautiful sunshine magical princess trans girl daughter whom i Love with all my heart (my literal Essay on the subject)

makishima is transfem but also kinda agender-ish, Nothing About Her Is Straight

tadokoro is transfem but still vaguely associates with being a guy if just through the context of being a bear. her genders just . mama bear (see this post)

toudous similar to tado in that shes transfem but still kinda aligns herself with terms like being a twink. also she’ll win at Any Gender she feels up to

kinjou used to mostly id as neutrois but then arakita ate their gender and they mostly id as agender now

arakita is an agender trans girl. she’ll scream in the face of gender and also she’s a huge lesbian on the cusp between hard femme and soft butch

naruko is bigender (probably demiguy/demigirl) they realized they were also a girl around the same time they realized they’re actually an all rounder. mostly though their genders just Flashy, Loud, Fast, and Red

imaizumi has been confused about gender stuff for ages and every label theyve tried gives them anxiety.. their genders some weird vague gray zone but they really wish they had a more specific label bc everyone they look up to seems to

aoyagi is a nb trans girl she experiments a lot and gets in a comfortable place with presentation by her senior year

teshima has had a long and complicated history with gender. they now consider themself to be a noncis butch lesbian but used to id as transmasc and are still recovering from their onceler fashion phase

sugimoto is a trans boy and he regarded himself as an Experienced Trans in middle school bc he was the only out person there but now hes in a lot more of a comfortable place at sohoku and is even learning from other teammates to better support his younger sibling

shinkais gender is very casual/laid back but her and yuuto have influenced each other a lot genderwise, with yuuto feeling comfortable coming out as a trans girl bc of hayatos gnc-ness and then hayato thinking more seriously about her Gender Feelings after yuuto came out

izumida is amab agender and also plantkin which influences gender things a lot for her

miki and aya are both trans girls, miki has had a supportive family and has known since she was a little kid and influenced people like aya and imaizumi to think about gender stuff. aya probably came out in middle school also theyre Girlfriends.

fukutomi is a trans demigirl. she isn’t very open about it because of her family’s legacy at hakogaku but after realizing how many of her friends are in the same boat as her she has her circle of friends who she is comfortable around

manami never really picked up a proper understanding of gender growing up due to a combo of being autistic and missing out on a lot of interaction with peers their age bc of being sick so much. they dont really have a gender but like to latch onto others to mimic and also really admire girls a lot but don’t feel like they’re deserving of a “Proper” gender label and feel uncomfortable with how that positions them as a real person with a physical body in the real world. i love to self project my gender shit on manami so Heres a post

miyahara is very good with gender, she can be any gender but shes mostly a girl. she used to try to get in Serious Gender Talks with manami but they never really contributed much

midousuji doesnt really have much of a defined gender but they still get really insistent on how ppl refer to them (such as using “kun”) bc of trauma/ocpd related stuff

#cpost #yp blogging #transbikes #yowapeda #yowamushi pedal #long post -#ok to reblog -

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fighting-these-demons · 7 months ago

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Continued Liveblogging

I've decided to go back and edit these into readmores to prevent spoilers.

This is a liveblog of Yowamushi Pedal New Generation (seasons 3 - 5). I'm reacting to the show so there will obviously be spoilers.

I don't get it.

If Kouga and Onoda are 5 laps behind and its a race dependent on distance traveled with multiple laps then Teshima is already 5 laps ahead????

Do they really need to be racing against each other that hard at that precise moment?

Idk

Also! Kaburagi clone boy won't eat anything made by a Girl because he doesn't like girls. Boy thinks they've got cooties.

Imaizumi and Naruko missed Dankichi and Kaburagi's love confessions so they're not aware lol.

I love how the mangaka saw what was clearly a fan favorite pairing in Imaizumi and Naruko and said "Nah, we're not doing that. But I'll give you the visually identical remix!"

Like, how generous?! 😂

Also Kouga is not Best Boy but he's taken the crown as Most Attractive at Sohoku for sure!

#best bike boys the anime

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ywpd-translations · 3 years ago

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Ride 677: Summer's Kumotarou 2

Pag 2

2: What do we do now, idiot Hotshot!!

D…. don't ask me

3: Onoda-kun is completely depressed!!

And why are you complaining to me!!

4: 'cause you let Makishima-san leave first!!

I didn't!!

I was just called here to thank him!!

Okay but still!! You're Hotshot!!

Ha!?

5: Then what do we do now....

Look at Onoda-kun....

That face....

Pag 3

1: It's so.... that's not the face of the man who just reached the goal of winning the Inter High for the second time in a row....

Pag 4

2: Maki.....

3: Makishima-san.....

4: You were so close to me, and yet

I ran right next to you, and yet

Pag 5

1: His limbs are so thin and weirdly long!!

2: That's the coolest thing, sho

4: You have to break through, sho!

5: Just 3 minutes!!

You did well, Sakamichi!!

7: I'm going on Minegayama now, wanna come with?

8: Aren't bikes fun!?

Yes!!

Pag 6

1: I leave our Sohoku to you, Sakamichi

2: Makishima-san.....

Pag 7

1: So, overcome it

become stronger

2: Makishima-san's words are in my heart

I worked hard, and I thought I could finally

3: Report to him, but....

4: Right, are you calling him?

At least hearing his voice....

No.... I'm calling but there's no service

5: He's already out of range

There's no service here!! We're on the top of a mountain!!

Dammit!!

6: It's your phone's fault!!

It's the radio waves!!

7: Winning two consecutive championships it's so amazing that most thing get swept under the rag, but.....

8: Can't be helped, Kinjou-san said it

Onoda is different from other people. For Onoda, what's importnat isnt “victory”....

Pag 8

1: It's the “connection”....

Pag 9

3: Is Karuizawa station okay?

4: Well, from here on there's no service on the mountain road, so according to the navigator I think we should be on time

If you get on the Shinkansen at 17:30, you'll get to the airport on time

6: Tadokoro is talking to you, Makishima

7: Huh!?

Ah, sorry

What is it, sho, Kinjou

Pag 10

1: Not me, it was Tadokoro

He said that if you take the train at Karuizawa station at 17:30, you'll get to the airport on time

2: Ahh, right

That should be just on time to get on my flight, sho, I even have few luggage

You can drop me off at that station....

3: That's enough, sho

5: You say it's enough, but it's not enough at all!!

6: Huh?

Pag 11

3: Huh? He stopp.....

4: How many years have we known each other, Makishima!?

6: Are you leaving your feelings behind!? At the Inter High's finish line!!

Pag 12

1: Let's make a U-turn and go back

Makishima!!

3: No.....

5: Wait-

Pag 13

1: Wait, sho!!

4: I only “came to Japane to see the Inter High”

5: I booked my return flight

I'm helping my brother there, and I have university too

6: I met Onoda during this time, and I even called out to him

I couldn't meet him at the edn, but even that.... that's fate, sho

7: That's what life is like

Even though I feel bad since he sent me so many letters

Pag 14

1: So, it's enough, sho

Let's go to the station

2: I told you it's not enough!!

How many flights to England a day are there!? You can delay of one or two flights, can't you!?

3: It's decided, sho.....

When I get home.... I have work to do

4: After this, you can even take supplementary lessons!!

You'll leave your feelings here in Japan and go back!?

5: I have no regrets, sho!!

Pag 15

6: This is....

Pag 16

1: Huuh.... Onoda gave me one of these some time ago

“Something something”, was it.... incredible, you can even find them in this part of the world

It's Kumotarou

2: Well

I'll tell him next time I see him, sho

6: Should I buy it?

Pag 17

1: I missed the chance to give him this, sho

Let's go back right now, Makishima!!

2: No it's okay, sho. I'll just send it to him by mail

You sending a letter? You'll never do that

Ehi!!

3: Let's go back!!

No, stop, Tadokorocchi, sho!!

You have a lot of things to tell Onoda!!

4: I can just tell him next time we meet, sho!! I'll tell him for sure!!

5: Going back is so uncool....

Makishima!!

Huh!?

6: Onoda gave everything he had today

And he did it

Pag 18

1: You can only meet this Onoda today

3: Gaha!!

Pag 19

1: Thank you so much for attending today. Be careful when going back home

The temporary free bus to go down the mountain is-

4: Let's go, Onoda-kun

Come on, get on

5: Yes

7: Huh?

#yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #yowapeda manga #yowamushi pedal manga #yowamushi pedal translations #yowamushi pedal spoilers #ride 677 #makishima is so dumb i cant asdfghjljkdfhkdj #kinjou and tadokoro are so done with his bulls**t and theyre right lmao #but still its so cute that he bought the spider for onoda ;A; right in the feels ;A;A;A;A;#i really missed sohoku #but anyway the best part of this chapter and imaizumi and naruko #as always every time theyre together #best comedy duo theyre hilarious #and also so soft for onoda being so worried about him :(( gawd i love them so much i had missed them

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toumakibangs · 6 years ago

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More High [English version]

@suzuka-nitta‘s prompt was: “In my defence, I thought this would go a lot more smoothly” and I personally think they nailed it (THANK YOU FOR SIGNING UP!) - let’s follow our favourite couple through a day-long date at an amusement park! Or better, THE amusement park! XD

You can read the original version (in French) here.

And thanks to @liesmyth (who literally saved my life this week), you can read it in English under the cut! Thank her for the best parts of the translations, blame me for anything that might be incorrect!

[About this, @suzuka-nitta: if you see anything that needs to be corrected, do not hesitate to message me and I’ll edit accordingly!]

Jinpachi Tôdô had impression he was living the best day of his life. Even if he already said it during his last date with Makishima. Every new day spent in the company of the climber of Sohoku made him full of joy. He couldn’t sleep for the excitement. In his bed, he mentally organized his ideal day, the clothes he should wear, the pick-up lines. Nothing was left to chance when it came to spending time with his boyfriend. And, as always he had been being a pain the ass of his team mates for the whole week. The latter had finally learned to ignore him while shaking their heads to let him believe they were paying attention to his words. It was easy to do so when you realized that in his monologues, Tôdô was too busy thinking about his rival or focusing on himself to even consider the opinion of others. It was no secret that the best climber in Hakone had feelings for his main opponent, and he was not shy about it. So much assurance worried a few people. His closest allies who had been following him for three years. After all, not everyone was open about homosexuality. Some cadets could not see a boy like him as vice-captain. But Jinpachi had a natural charisma and a talent for climbing highly recognized. And above all, he was protected by Fukutomi’s serious glances, by Arakita’s frowning ones and Shinkai’s demoniac ones, who discouraged everyone from bad-mouthing him when he spent too much time on the phone. He had never noticed his guardian angels. The two climbers had started hanging out regularly during their second year of high school. Even if Makishima proclaimed that a casual encounter in the same race couldn’t be considered a date, Tôdô treated it as such.

After all, every moment spent with the man he loved was a blessing. Whether it was on a race, at his place or the other’s, or like today, in the famous Tokyo Disney Park. The Inter-High had been over for two weeks, and the return after the summer vacation was approaching. It was the perfect opportunity for a romantic date. They hadn’t foreseen that some of their respective teammates, who had decided to enjoy the end of their summer vacation as well, would have come too. It seemed that all the third year students of Sohoku and Hakone had made an appointment, as was Manami who had been forcibly brought along.

- He hasn’t been feeling well since the end of high school, - Fukutomi has said. - We put a lot of pressure on him. He must relax before school starts and put up his best face.

- Look who's talking – stammered Arakita.

He was sure that in terms of “best face”, Fukutomi was far from being at the top of the charts. He and Kinjo stared at each other as if they were assessing each other before a race. Everyone felt the pressure emanated by the two captains with the exception of Arakita, who compared them to two strangers embarrassed to have farted in the elevator. Apart from this group, Manami seemed elsewhere, so discreet that we would forget his presence. And on that hot day, the young climber looked more like he wanted to ride his bike or take a nap in the shade of a tree.

- Your team is not complete, - Kinjo pointed out to his rival. - Your second sprinter is missing.

- Izumida didn’t want to come. He is busy polishing up all the club's weight machines before school starts – explained the blond.

- Where are your kohais? The keys to the success of your team?

Indeed, the three young recruits of Sohoku, who had distinguished themselves so much during the Inter-High, shone for their absence. It wasn’t bad, thought Tôdô. Onoda's presence would have made Manami uncomfortable. He liked little Glasses, but he could not help but feel the discomfort of his kohai when someone mentioned the winner of the Inter-High. And then, Onoda might have glued himself to Makishima, so it was better that he was not in the game. Tôdô wanted to spend time alone with his boyfriend, disappearing as soon as possible from the group and take him where his program planned.

- Onoda is attending a unique event in Akihabara, he preferred to go there and try to win something, - Kinjo explained. – As for Imaizumi and Naruko, they spent the summer challenging each other, and that's what they were still doing today. There’s no way to stop them. But we brought two other important members of our club.

Indeed, Teshima and Aoyagi were part of the expedition. The poor eliminated from the Inter-High were delighted to spend a day with their senpai Tadokoro after failing to ride with him on the race they had dreamed about since their first year.

Although disappointed by the presence of so many people, Tôdô kept a good face. It was quickly necessary that the group separated so that he could enjoy his boyfriend. Each seemed to have different expectations for the park so it would be easy to disperse. He could then run away with his Maki-chan, and finally steal his first kiss of the day. Makishima ended up accepting hugs in public. He especially understood that it was useless to dissuade Tôdô, who wanted to scream his feelings to the whole world. However, the spider still refused to kiss him in front of other people, even if it was his team, who he trusted. None of them seemed to be disturbed by their relationship, and it seemed totally obvious to them how they had evolved together. It was not the same for society in general who could not see two men kissing each other at an amusement park. Tôdô was totally indignant with this system. His meetings with his boyfriend were so short and precious that they did not want to waste time looking for a place to hide. His lips itched, so he cut right into the chase. He took the hand of the green-haired boy and exclaimed out of the blue.

- Let's meet at the entrance at 7 pm. Have a nice day.

And immediately he fled, carrying, despite himself, the spider, who let out a long "sho" of surprise. Tôdô insinutated himself without any problem into the park, discreetly passing between the different families like the ninja he embodied on his bike.

- Tôdô, where are you taking me?

- I have a sudden urge," he said, turning towards the bathrooms.

- You do not need me for that sort of thing, - lamented the green, who had been pulled inside one of the stalls.

As soon as the door closed, Jinpachi pressed hard against Makishima in a tight hug. The receiver stiffened before relaxing. All the time, he had to be able to anticipate this kind of attention coming from his touchy boyfriend.

- Maki-chan – whispered the dark-haired man, then raised his head asking for a kiss.

Makishima met his expectations. He wanted to kiss him too. This was one of the reasons why he wasn’t happy with the choice of destination. The presence of his team didn’t bother him, but to be out in a place so crowded, even more during the summer holidays, was the worst way to jeopardize their privacy. They didn’t have the opportunity to see each other every day, and Makishima enjoyed savouring the time spent with Tôdô. He loved him sincerely, but at the same time he didn’t often say it. That wasn’t the case for his partner, who never failed to remind him during his daily calls, and even more when they made love.

- I love you, Maki-chan, - he whispered between kisses. - You’re the only one I want for me. The others can manage very well, and I entrusted Manami to Shinkai. Arakita doesn’t inspire me much confidence, Fuku has a unique chance to let go. It's not easy at all to be our captain. He must already be worrying while we are still on vacation. But Shinkai has a little brother, I guess he'll do well.

The red sprinter looked really friendly. As for his own teammates, Tôdô was right about the fact that they would be able to cope very well. Basically, he wasn’t very unhappy that the handsome brunet had brought him by force. The place was not romantic, but he ignored that, focusing on the beautiful man who was still clinging to him. Purposefully, he leaned over to offer him another kiss, his long green hair hiding their faces, while his hands slid on his partner's back, making him shudder.

- Mmh, - groaned Tôdô, when he felt the fingers go under his shirt and touch his skin. - Maki-chan, it's not the best place to do this.

Makishima silenced him with another kiss. He didn’t intend to indulge in a place like this. Despite the frustration between each of their separation, they had never lost themselves to such primitive instincts. Tôdô's dream was to convince Makishima to let himself go in the open, but Makishima was too modest and anxious to be discovered and he’d always refused.

- So, what did you plan to do? - asked the green when he finally loosened his embrace, but without releasing the two hands that held his.

- I just want to spend time with you. We did not have the opportunity to celebrate our birthdays together this year, with the Inter-High”

The two lovers occupied important spots in their respective team, as climbers. They’d had very little free time in recent weeks. Mornings, evenings and rest days were devoted to their training. During July, in particular, their schedule had become extremely busy. The Inter-High was held in early August, just before Jinpachi's birthday. They’d both wanted the victory of their own team, and knew it would have been difficult to meet and have fun together shortly after the defeat of one of them. Even though Makishima had been more than happy about his team’s victory, he also knew that Tôdô and the entire Hakone team had mourned their second place. Including Manami, whose behaviour had changed from a careless joyful teenager to a tortured boy, which greatly worried his senpai.

Tôdô felt guilty for not caring for him, but Makishima was a priority. They had hardly seen each other during the summer, it was too much for him.

- Are you thinking about your kohai? - asked Makishima, who had noticed the pensive look of his companion.

- I know that Manami has the abilities to recover from this defeat. The team regulars of Hakone aren’t just anyone. But I blame myself a little for abandoning him.

- If you prefer to accompany…

- No way, - cut in the brunette. - It's you I want to enjoy today. It was Shinkai who suggested taking him out of his room. He promised he would take care of it. He's a good senpai as well, just look at how devoted Izumida is. I trust him. It's just that I feel defeated when I see him so depressed, but at the same time I understand him. I wouldn’t like being in his place.

Even though he wasn’t used to taking the initiative, Makishima pulled his boyfriend against him once again before pressing a chaste kiss on his head and saying softly:

- You're a good senpai.

- And you are the perfect boyfriend - Tôdô replied, wrapping his arms around the other’s waist.

Makishima didn’t think so. He wasn’t very sociable, didn’t know how to smile, or even how to chat. All the opposite of the brunette, who could have been going out with whoever he wanted, and yet that divine being had chosen him. He was more than honoured, but of course he would never admit it out loud.

- And today, I planned to make you climb even higher than the mountains - said Tôdô smiling.

- Higher than the mountains?

- Today, I'm going to take you into space.

As he spoke he pointed his finger at the sky, which left Makishima puzzled. What did Tôdô have in mind?

- But for the moment, I just want to enjoy the day with you. Come on, let's go, I spent days memorizing the map of this park.

What a perfectionists. It was a quality that just had to be expected in the talkative climber.

~**~**~**~

If he had been able to hide, Makishima would have done so gladly. Even Mickey's Mansion seemed far less ridiculous than his current situation. Wearing a headband that sported the ears of the park’s mascot, to match Tôdô's one, he wandered around the park with this ridiculous accessory. The two of them weren’t the only ones wearing a similar outfit, but Makishima couldn’t stand the mockeries of Tadokoro, who he met in front of a restaurant window, or Arakita’s taunting as he queued with Shinkai for an attraction. He went red like the knot of the famous Minnie. How did his boyfriend always manage to put him in awkward situations?

They had also crossed paths with Kinjô and Fukutomi in the accessories shop. The two captains went on defiantly, but Goofy's ears and Donald's hat serving as headgear made them lose all credibility. Well, at least there was someone worse off than them, Makishima consoled himself.

- I have the feeling that something is missing, thought Tôdô after they had met their friends.

He held the thought for a moment before letting it go. I couldn’t be that important.

If Makishima didn’t like crowds, it was because he never went unnoticed. Children looked on intrigued at his particular style. He was used to being stared at from head to toe, but adults could be much more discreet. He hadn’t been around so many children since he himself had been one. This kind of place was definitely not for him. It was the opposite of Tôdô, who seemed totally in his element. He strode from right to left without any restraint, acting ecstatic in front of the fairy decors and threw himself shamelessly at the mascots to give them a hug. As always, he got himself noticed and dragged Makishima into his mayhem.

As excited as the other kids, he chatted with ease, debating with them the studio's feature films. Some girls even compared him to a prince, and he amused himself by kneeling before them for a kiss, making his boyfriend somewhat jealous. Noticing his confusion Jinpachi jumped in immediately by pointing at him and saying how important Maki-chan was to him. He never detailed the exact nature of their relationship. The younger children thought they were just best friends, but some older kids and parents understood the meaning of his words. Makishima wanted to tell him to stop revealing so much, but no one could deny the love the brunette felt. His violet eyes shone, filled with adoration, powerful, honest and irresistible. Makishima blushed again, realizing that he was the target of this look, admitting to himself how much he loved this boring boy. With as much as he wanted to please him, he forgave him, as always, and he smiled. A sincere smile this time, which even caught the eye of some of the women and girls. Who would have believed that Tôdô had the power to imitate that natural charm on his scary face.

Makishima was finally happy to be here. Here or elsewhere, as long as he could be in the company of the other climber. He wasn’t particularly fond of this kind of place and attractions. He had always preferred the feeling of feeling free when riding on his bike. But Tôdô spent more time looking for the mascots, taking selfies with them in front of the minimal scenery, and the day went by quickly, especially when the line for the least tour lasted between half an hour and one hour, sometimes even more. No wonder, at this time of year and with the school holidays. Everyone was impatient in these interminable tails, except for Makishima, who preferred these moments because it was a pretext to stick against his boyfriend without it seeming suspicious. In the end, the couple only made the most out of the park, and themselves. Makishima noticed that Tôdô only chose quiet attractions.

-Do not you like strong feelings?

- It's just that they may mess me up. I want to stay perfect in front of you.

- It's not so important…

- Yes, it is, - Jinpachi cut in, very seriously - I don’t want to embarrass you.

Makishima wanted to say that rather, he was the one who didn’t feel at home by his side. Since they had started going out together, Jinpachi still placed him on a pedestal. Surely if the vain Mountain God praised someone other than himself he must be damned infatuated. Makishima just regretted never being able to return the favour. Would Jinpachi ever tire of never receiving attention in return? He knew his boyfriend was very cuddly and tactile, and he was not the type to take the initiative.

- And then in that case, I will get you to hold me against you as long as possible - the brunette ended up justifying himself.

Indeed, the attractions he chose were often held on boats or auditoriums, in darkened spaces. Jinpachi always managed to get to the back or in a corner. So that he could be close to his boyfriend in all discretion. Anyway, the other visitors were far too busy enjoying the show and watching their children to care about them.

Jinpachi insisted on carving their names on one of the slabs at the entrance of the park, in memory of that day. In exchange for tolerating his many quirks Makishima got to enjoy an ice cream, something Tôdô usually protested by singing his eternal refrain about the need for a healthy diet. He ended up choosing a sherbet as sweet as possible. Around the time they enjoyed their afternoon tea they met Tadokoro and Shinkai again, who were trying to swallow the biggest ice cream in the park. They were almost finished, followed closely by Aoyagi who was doing pretty well when it came to ingesting a tremendous amount of calories. Tôdô felt nauseous just looking at them. Fortunately, Arakita and Teshima were much more reasonable in their choice.

- I still feel like something is missing, - Jinpachi said, for the second time that day.

But no one knew what he could refer to. The day was coming to an end and Makishima wondered what Tôdô meant when he said he would take him to the stars. They were in line for a final attraction. To his astonishment, Tôdô had this time chosen a high-speed train: the mythical Space Mountain. He shrugged, not even trying to understand why he had suddenly changed his mind about this kind of attraction. Maybe because it was late and he could now afford to get his hair windblown. Tired after the long day, Makishima listened with a distracted ear to yet another story that his boyfriend shared to pass the time in these long queues. And when he got the change, he read the warning signs and safety instructions.

- An attraction that combines the words "space" and "mountain" is indisputably made for us, Maki-chan, - Tôdô finally explained. - I found out about it I wanted to do this with you. Today, we will climb higher than the mountains, into space. I would have taken you there sooner but wanted to save the best for last.

So that was what he’d meant, a simple attraction. It was just like Tôdô to take him to such a place, wanting to give him the illusion of climbing ever higher. It was awkward, but he appreciated the intention.

Once they were finally sitting in the wagon, quite naturally, Makishima removed the headband ear and tied his hair, which immediately outraged his partner.

- Maki-chan, you're supposed to keep that on all day! - the other climber shouted.

- But we have to remove it to use this ride.

- How so?

- Sir, - one of the Space Mountain managers told him - please remove and protect any mobile props that may fall. Headband, bezel, also store your phones, cameras and cameras.

Jinpachi obeyed without understanding, somewhat disappointed, at least until the huge safety strap was lowered down on his chest, tight enough to take his breath away.

- So much protection for a little dance among the stars.

- Uh, Jinpachi, do you know how this ride works? - suddenly realized Makishima who could not believe that Tôdô did not know what would happen now.

The restriction imposed on them by the harness prevented him from leaning forward to see him better. Makishima extended his arm to grab his boyfriend’s hand.

- Maki-chan! - exclaimed Tôdô, at once surprised and excited.

- It will be okay.

And before the brunette could answer, the train went off at full speed. Makishima didn’t find it very enjoyable; this kind of attraction wasn’t particularly fun. Nothing could replace the satisfaction he felt climbing on his bike. It even bothered him to have to bear the shouts of all the other passengers, those of the boy next to him mingling with the others. He squeezed his boyfriend's hand even harder, and felt him cling desperately to him. Having no other choice but to enjoy the spectacle of the scenery of the space that the attraction offered them, Makishima decided that the ensemble was well done, although the speed of the train prevented him from visualizing well. His eyes didn’t have time to take in everything. In just a few minutes they had returned to the starting point. It was only when they were released that Makishima was able to inquire about Jinpachi's condition, finding him still clutching his hand. His boyfriend seemed paralyzed, as if he had just received the biggest shock of his life.

- We must get off, Tôdô.

Without letting go, Makishima took him outside. The first steps of the Hakone climber were disoriented. He decided to lead him to a bench to sit and rest.

- Why did we go if you don’t like this kind of ride?

- In my defence, I thought this would go much more smoothly.

- But the Space Mountain is very well known. You didn’t hear the shouts from outside, or see all of the warning messages?

- I don’t know, I didn’t pay attention. I was so excited to share that with you. I thought it was a kind of planetarium. I feel ridiculous, and I'm sure I must be looking horrible. I am so stupid.

He had tears in his eyes, visibly still shaken. It was not much, of course, nothing serious. But Jinpachi was very detail-oriented. He did not want to feel so stupid in front of Makishima, whom he loved and wanted to impress so he would not lose his love. Makishima didn’t like to see it like that. Although they were still in public, he pulled him against his chest to kiss his head. Tôdô was dumbfounded, realizing that his boyfriend had not let go of his hand.

- I liked it a lot, thank you very much.

- Don’t say that just to console me. I know I screwed up on this one.

- It's not just because you brought me through the stars. I loved today. I can’t thank you enough. It's always you who organizes our meetings. You only want to make me happy, and I do nothing in exchange.

- But knowing you are happy is what makes me happy, Maki-chan.

- I think that, within a couple, we should both pull our weight, - said Makishima, pressing a simple and chaste kiss against his boyfriend’s lips. - I promise you I’ll do more, too. I love you Jinpachi.

This time there were tears of joy. Tôdô threw his arms around his boyfriend's neck in a hug that was both tender and tight, quite different from all those he’d shared with the mascots.

- Maki-chan, Maki-chan, Maki-chan, it's so good to hear you say that. I love you, I love you so much.

They remained entwined for several minutes, indifferent to other visitors who mostly ignored them. They just enjoyed this closeness, the warmth and smell of each other, the happiness of being together, quite simply. Their hearts beat in unison, beating against their chests as if they were trying to get out of their cage to join.

- Come sleep at my house tonight, - invited Makishima.

- My parents wanted me to help them tomorrow.

- Tell a lie. A train strike, an accident on the track, anything, but sleep with me tonight.

- Of course, as long as I can stay with you.

They kissed again, simply but tenderly. Ignoring the world around them and the curious eyes of the passers-by. And to think that at the beginning of their relationship, Makishima hadn’t even dared to hold Tôdô's hand. At each new meeting, they felt as though they were evolving in their connection, rising higher, always higher, like a climber who travels the hills on his bike. They loved each other madly and each day a little more. Both of them wanted to continue on this path, until they reached the summit, and even beyond.

- I just had the best day of my life - Jinpachi said.

- You say that every time.

- I think it every time.

The day was coming to an end. They only had time to go to the gift shop. There they found all their friends. Arakita was lining up at the cash register, two plushies under his arms, each for his two younger sisters. Elsewhere in the shop, Shinkai was looking for the perfect gift for his little brother Yûto, who loved cute objects. Tadokoro, meanwhile, had purchased several baking pans shaped like Mickey's head. Teshima and Aoyagi had much simpler tastes, choosing small accessories such as pens, keychains and notepads that were totally overpriced. Everyone was surprised to find Kinjô and Fukutomi in the same position as at the beginning of the day, staring at each other, arms crossed, without even blinking. Had they enjoyed the park, if only a little?

- I definitely feel that something is missing - proclaimed Jinpachi for the third time.

And once again, nobody could understand what he was thinking of. It was only when he took a look around the shop, observing plushies of the various characters, some decked out with angel wings, that he suddenly realized.

- MANAMI!!!

That’s what it was. He hadn’t seen his junior since the morning, when he had fled with Makishima, entrusting the young climber to his teammate.

- Shinkai, what did you do to Manami?

- Manami? Damn, since when he’s no longer with us?

- But how irresponsible! - said the handsome brunette, who had already taken out his phone to contact him.

- He was so discreet that I didn’t even notice that he was no longer following us.

- He must be sleeping somewhere, as always” said Arakita, who knew the boy's tendency to take a nap anywhere and anytime.

- He’s not answering his phone! - Tôdô panicked even more.

- Don’t worry Jinpachi, he can’t have left the park. Let's go and find him, and let someone go to the front desk to make a call - Shinkai suggested.

Meanwhile, the managers of the dolls' house saw one of their boats empty of any passenger, except for a young boy who had been drowsy for several hours.

- We should tell him to go out now. Did you hear the announcement? His friends are looking for him.

- It would be about time.

For several hours, Manami had been rocked by the songs and the sweet atmosphere of the attraction that had managed to soothe a little of his pain. The managers, seeing him alone and so peaceful, hadn’t dared to disturb him. It was not until the end of the day that another young boy, a brunette with curly hair, came to pick him up. He thanked them for taking care of him before leading the boy to the park exit. The little climber from Hakone was barely aware. He thought it might be Tôdô leading him away, but his senior did not have such curly hair. However, this head was familiar to him. Probably one of the members of the second string of Sohoku. He hadn’t slept well since the end of high school and felt very tired. He rested his head on the other boy's shoulder, an arm around his waist, and he let himself be guided, warmed more than he thought by this presence at his side. For him, it was not such a bad day. One day, no doubt, Manami would unfold his wings again to fly and rise, starting from where he had fallen. That burden on his shoulders wouldn’t prevent him from going higher, always higher.

THE END

#toumaki month 2018 #toumaki #suzuka-nitta

8 notes · View notes

toumakibangs · 6 years ago

Text

Lost in this moment

Prompt: “You’re going to take all of me, I don’t care if it’s too much.”

Jules’ Notes: This is a direct continuation of myfirst piece: “Feels like I’m all the way back where I belong”, but can be read on its own. Btw I think that my greatest talent lies in taking a prompt and turning it into something it was probably not meant to be at all.

That said: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JINPACHI!!! =ç___ç=

Very few experiences beat the sensation of utter bliss that comes with lying on the tall green grass of a hill, under the sun, shoes forgotten and a bottle of fresh water. After a terrific climb, and with your sworn rival sprawled beside you.

Especially when your sworn rival is also your long-term boyfriend, whose birthday you are celebrating in a way that is equally maudlin and idiotic. Much like your relationship as a whole.

- The Inter-High route, Yuu? Really?

It’s our Inter-High route, Makishima thinks as he fans himself and looks away, and I hoped you of all people would have appreciated the sentiment. But maybe it was just wishful thinking – maybe Toudou doesn’t care about these things anymore, after all; maybe this year’s competition of theirs, this thing they do of finding the best way to celebrate each other’s birthday every time, is meant to end with a clamorous and disastrous defeat on Makishima’s part. Maybe he’s just overthinking things, as usual, because Toudou is already poking his side and rising up on his left elbow to look at him.

- I’m right here. Pay attention to me instead of disappearing into your own head.

He’s puffing his cheeks and pouting like he did when they were kids, and Makishima is glad to be reminded that even though they’ve changed, there’s still something of the people they were in them: that hairstyles come and go, and faces wrinkle, that even your attitude shifts and adapts to the flow of time, but every person does indeed have an immutable core that’s theirs alone. It’s reassuring, when melancholy hits too hard, to catch a glimpse of it in Toudou’s everyday gestures.

Makishima raises his hand to smooth the line between Toudou’s eyebrows.

- Stop frowning, you’ll get wrinkles.

Toudou pinches his nose.

- Stop brooding, you’ll miss out.

- …on what?

Toudou bends down and kisses him lightly on the lips.

- On this beautiful day you were so lovely to organize.

Makishima grits his teeth and puts a bony hand on Toudou’s face, pushing him away.

- Don’t make fun of me.

He makes to sit up but Toudou pulls him down again and keeps a palm on his chest. Makishima looks up at him: his features are more defined, his hair is longer, his shoulders filled out – but from this perspective, in front of the light and wearing his old Hakogaku jersey, Toudou really looks like his old self. Makishima knows the same can’t be said for him: he might be dressed in Sohoku’s yellow uniform and still be lankier than the average person, but his green mane is just a memory right now, his hair needing more resting time, nowadays, in between heavy bleaching and dying sessions. He likes to have it done before he goes home, usually, but this year it wasn’t possible. Toudou didn’t give sign of having noticed, and Makishima wonders when it happened, that he became the one in this relationship more obsessed with memories, anniversaries and appearances. Maybe when he left his homeland and decided to live his life in between continents, and holding onto the few certainties of his past became a necessity. Because if everything went on and changed while he wasn’t there, if he came back to a home that had left him behind, where he was supposed to fit?

Toudou’s voice shakes him out of his thoughts, and his index finger running on his cheek distracts him enough to prevent him from falling back into them.

- You’re doing it again.

- Doing what.

- Over-analysing something very simple. It was a wonderful surprise. I had lots of fun, even if you let me win because it’s my birthday.

- I didn’t. You won it fair and square.

- Then we’re really getting old, because that time was abysmal.

Makishima chuckles, and Toudou lies down at his side, caressing his arm.

- What I mean is: I’m happy to be here, with you. And I admit I felt very emotional the whole time it took to climb up here.

- Maybe that’s why your time was abysmal.

Toudou pokes his side and he squirms at the tickling sensation.

- Yours too, smartass.

They stare at the horizon, naked feet on the grass and an impromptu picnic improvised with the few things Makishima was able to order and have delivered at the top of the mountain, right on time. Toudou chuckles at the delivery van as it starts its descent.

- Always the high-end treatment, uh?

Makishima rolls his eyes at him as he spreads out a blankets that was included in his boxes and lays out a few fancy looking, sealed bowls.

- As if you didn’t enjoy being spoiled rotten.

Toudou shows him his tongue.

- It’s my birthday. I’m allowed to indulge myself today.

The banquet is small, but colourful and tasty and a true delicacy after the physical exertion. It’s also reasonably balanced in terms of nutritional values, a coincidence too fortunate to not be deliberate. There is also cake, with a symbolic candle to blow out, but Toudou doesn’t comment on it except to say how much he loves it and how good it tastes.

A light breeze lifts up after lunch, and they watch white clouds run after each other on the clear blue sky – heads touching, fingers intertwined.

- Thank you, Maki-chan.

Makishima blushes.

- I-Idiot.

Toudou turns and stares at him with the kind of gaze that has always been able to make Makishima weak in the knees.

- I mean it. I had fun.

Makishima closes his eyes. So many years and he still hasn’t learned to be honest with his boyfriend while looking him in the face.

- It’s not kaiseki ryori.

Toudou scoots closer to kiss his cheek.

- No, although it’s us all the same. Mountains and bikes and rivalry and all that teenage drama, but also leisure time and comfort and…

Makishima turns on his side, interested.

- …and what?

Toudou moves a few stray hairs out of his face.

- Stability.

- So…

- So?

- …are you going to spill the beans and make me emotional for real, or what?

The best thing about Toudou is that he’s always been able to read him like an open book. Makishima has never really opened up to him, or anyone, so Toudou’s talent for entering his lover’s head like it was his own has always been less than a lucky coincidence and more a sign of the universe telling them they were supposed to stick together. So far, it’s been right. Makishima knew he should have prepared some kind of speech. Toudou likes speeches, and strong declarations delivered with fervour. But he’s never had the social skills necessary to hold his own with crafty words and charisma, always preferring to show what he felt, more like describing it. In his opinion, there are things worth not mentioning: feelings are much more easily and effectively conveyed through colours and music and sincere gestures, for example. But there are also moments and occasions in which words are necessary. He’s aware of it, and so is Toudou who, although he has clearly understood what Makishima meant with today’s celebration, is deliberately playing dumb in order to hear Makishima saying it aloud. And since it’s Toudou’s birthday, and he has promised himself long ago to always do his best to give Toudou what he wants and make him happy, Makishima complies. Also because Toudou doesn’t know everything.

- I could have picked the route of our first climb, couldn’t I? The one I won. Or the one where we made our first promise. It would have been quite meaningful as well. They were all obvious choices, but this one was the most obvious of all, and you know how much I hate being obvious.

Toudou hums in agreement. The day a critic will deem Makishima’s creations as anything but out-of-the-ordinary, his boyfriend will quit the fashion industry forever.

- I chose this route because even if I had already fallen in love with you by the time we entered our third year of high-school, it was in this moment of my life that I realized I didn’t want to let you go. Despite my dreams, despite England, despite everything.

He points at the hairpins that are only partially visible from their position, at the road covered by the high trees and then at the one downhill.

- There is where I considered ditching my team for a last chance to ride with you. My sense of responsibility won, and I kept my position, but it took all my self-control, and the knowledge that I could have been capable of acting so selfishly just for the sake of a climb with you shook me real hard. That is where I caught up to you, and I think I will never forget the way you looked at me when I reached you.

- Neither will I.

- There is where you told me you were grateful for what we’d had. And I remember having the clearest epiphany of my life, and a voice in my head telling me to not give up and hold onto you, do everything in my power to not lose you, because I couldn’t have afforded it. And I couldn’t stand it either, the idea of you not being part of my life anymore.

Toudou looks at him with misty eyes.

- And you didn’t, did you? Let go, I mean.

Makishima laughs drily.

- I latched onto you like vine.

- All the while making me believe I was the pressing one.

- You were quite insistent yourself.

- Touché.

Makishima takes a deep breath and leans back on his hands, hair flowing in the wind.

- Jinpachi.

- Yes?

- We came back here after more than ten years since those days, and this place still gives me the same vibes.

Toudou’s voice gets stuck in his throat.

- W-What do you mean?

Makishima looks up at the sky, lopsided grin in place to testify he’s restless and slightly nervous.

- I mean that earlier today, much like ten years ago, I raced up these hills with you, crossed the highest peak with your name on my lips and my brain yelling at me to not dare let you go. But we’ve already been together this whole time, so there isn’t much I can do to make my intentions and commitment clearer. Unless…

Toudou speaks in a higher octave.

- Unless…?

Makishima brings a hand to the back pockets of his jersey and rummages into it for awfully long seconds until his fingers find their target and he fishes out a couple of silver bands, simple enough to be discreet, fancy enough to show personality. Toudou doesn’t have to look to know what date is carved on the inner side of the rings.

- Unless you accept to climb this new mountain with me?

The answer is a heavy body slamming into him and sending them both toppling down the slope until they hit the bottom and Makishima finds himself squashed under his apparently dead boyfriend.

- Jinpachi g-get up. You weight too muc-

Toudou doesn’t listen to him and shuts him up with a kiss that has nothing to do with the chaste pecks they’ve been exchanging the whole day. It makes Makishima dizzy in a way that feels surprising, given for how long they’ve intimately known each other. Toudou pulls back only when absolutely necessary, but doesn’t move a muscle, staying pressed against his lover and looking down on him with a dark face.

- No way. You’re going to take all of me, I don’t care if it’s too much.

Makishima stares at him, dumbstruck, and Toudou stares back, serious – it doesn’t last long, and they start laughing soon after.

Of course I’m taking you, Makishima thinks in between heated kisses, it’s the least I can do, since you’ll have me.

#toumaki month 2018 #submission #toumaki #julesdrenages

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norihisahyuga-archived · 7 years ago

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The hermit manamidou

Kyoto Fushimi loses the Inter-High and Midousuji Akira promptly disappears. There had been true concern on the faces of the team when they had all come together for the final ceremony, and after all is said and done— Komari accepts the second place medal on Midousuji’s behalf— Manami ferrets out the fox-faced first-year to ask where his senpai had run off to.

“I don’t know, truth be told.” Komari fidgets with his fingers and his hair and his headband, looking more uncomfortable and out-of-place than Manami has ever seen him look. The two of them had not been well-acquainted, but they had an understanding. “He vanished after the race. I tried to find him, but my efforts were all for naught. Ishigaki-san has already called three times to ask if any of us have found him yet, and none of us have.”

“Did he just leave?” Manami racks his brain, trying to think of where Midousuji could have gone off to, where someone like him would find… Whatever it is Midousuji must be looking for.

Komari shrugs again, helpless. “I don’t know. His bicycle is missing and none of us are fast enough to catch up with him if he just took off. I was told he threatened to go back to Kyoto last year, but he returned of his own volition. No one tried to chase him down.”

“Thank you.” Manami rests a hand on Komari’s shoulder, trying to do his best to reassure the younger boy that everything is going to be fine even if he has no proof of this yet. “If he hasn’t turned up by the time it’s dark, I’ll go looking for him myself, okay? I promise.”

For some reason, this eases the tension in Komari’s shoulders. “Thank you, Manami-san.”

By the time full darkness comes, Midousuji has still not turned up. Manami thought this might happen; he might not have taken himself all the way back to Kyoto, but he had gone missing for an extended period of time. Darkness is what allows Manami to cheat; no one can see him when even the moon is covered by clouds, and he takes advantage of this as he leaves the rest of Hakogaku to rest. Only Izumida knows what he plans on doing, and Izumida had given him his blessing as long as Manami promised him he would not let anyone see him.

Hiding the truth from his team is worthless, after all.

The night air is chilly beneath his wings as he spreads them wide and surges up into the air, climbing as quickly as he possibly can so he can get the best view of the ground beneath him. He has limited power now— you don’t walk out of heaven with everything you had before intact, after all— but he has his sharp eyes, still, and he uses them to comb the trees beneath, the ground and roads as he beats furiously at the air with his wings.

Midousuji has not left the area, of that much he is certain. As to where he has gotten to, Manami is uncertain. He should have asked Komari for more details, like there might be a place where Midousuji would sneak off to in order to lick his wounds in peace, but Manami doubts that Komari would know such a thing. Ishigaki would have known, but those who Midousuji allows close to him never seem to have the same hand of information about him. Komari has seen nothing less than his senpai’s strength and determination. Of that, Manami is certain.

So he relies on his own eyes and his own instinct and uses what failing power he has to stretch for the aura he knows that surrounds Midousuji at all times, desperate to find something, anything. He knows Midousuji can take care of himself, but no one should have to.

He finally lands at the mouth of a cave carved into the mountainside, one he knows not to be too deep because he had explored it on his first day when he had been bored and getting to the team ontime felt like a chore. It calls to him now and even though his eyes cannot penetrate the darkness, he can see the soft flickers of yellow that tell him he made the right choice.

“You can’t just run away after a race like this and scare everyone,” Manami says, folding his wings around himself against the chill as he walks into the save. “Midousuji—”

“I knew you would find me, so I didn’t care about the others. I knew you would calm Komari down so he didn’t get upset.” Midousuji is curled into a small ball, his legs pulled up tight against his chest, his arms folded around them tightly. When he peeks at Manami above the tops of his knees, his eyes are impossibly dark, almost black. “Congratulations on victory.”

Manami falls to his knees in front of Midousuji and lifts his hands, doing nothing with them until Midousuji lifts his chin, enough of an assent that Manami feels confident in resting his hands on Midousuji’s shoulders. “Congratulations on second. You did an amazing job.”

“Not enough of one, though. Clearly.” Midousuji runs his fingers through his hair, almost pulls at his bangs. “I worked so hard and in the end, it was for nothing.”

“Is that why you came all the way out here by yourself?” Manami asks. “Self-flagellation? I would have expected that out of me, not you. You know, you didn’t place high at all last year and this year you got all the way to second. Together, we threw Sohoku off the top spot. You should be proud of yourself and your team. I know I am.”

Midousuji laughs and shakes his head but says nothing when Manami’s hands climb a little higher, closer to his throat. “I am dissatisfied, Manami. I told you long ago that only victory would please me, and we did not win. We came close, but we did not win.”

Manami clicks his tongue. “To be fair, Kuroda and Ashikiba have been working together longer than you and Komari have been. To be able to get that close against two seasoned partners is impressive just the same. No reason to beat yourself up about it.”

His fingers climb up from Midousuji’s slender throat to his face, freeing his fingers from his hair so Manami can smooth the hair back into place and ease the ache that must have built up in his scalp from the pressure. Midousuji is always too hard on himself, and Manami knows this better than anyone else. He sees the way Midousuji pushes himself that few others are privy to, and he tries to do only the best he can with this information. If Midousuji is intent on throwing himself into the fire to get to the top, Manami will be there to pull him out of it. He had made that decision long ago; maybe it was instinct, old habits refusing to die at all.

His kind are known for watching over humans, after all. It had been their entire purpose in life.

“Manami…” Midousuji closes his eyes as Manami cradles his face in his hands, feeling how cold his skin is. He must have been out here for a very long time, then. Had he come on foot? His bicycle is nowhere nearby. "You really did come all the way out here to find me.”

Manami scoffs at him. “Of course I did. What do you take me for? When Komari said you still hadn’t come back, I came looking for you myself. I had to wait until it was dark so no one would see me. Can’t exactly cloak myself anymore since I don’t have that ability.”

Midousuji looks at him then, quick and sharp; he bares his teeth in the slightest of grins. “I suppose even with winning, there are things you lost that you can never get back.”

“Exactly. There’s nothing I could do to get any of those abilities back.” Anyone else might have been offended at Midousuji’s words but Manami has lived too long to care that much about it. He shifts further still, then sighs. “Look, put your knees down. You’re freezing. If you’re intent on sitting here in the dark, then at least let me keep you warm with my wings.”

He should be expecting Midousuji to surge up like an ocean wave and knock him backward, but he doesn’t, for some reason, and finds himself on his ass a moment later with Midousuji crawling into his lap, long arms wrapped around his shoulders. It might have frightened anyone else to have him suddenly so close but Manami is used to this; this is who Midousuji is as a person and he wraps his arms around Midousuji once he’s settled against Manami’s chest, then blankets his body with his wings. Against the soft white underwides, Midousuji’s golden aura flickers more brightly and Manami sighs in relief.

Midousuji tucks his head in against the side of Manami’s neck; his nose is cold but the breath he exhales against Manami’s skin is warm. “What are you going to do if one day you can’t find me?”

“That’s never going to happen. I’m always going to be able to find you no matter what.” Manami rubs his hands up and down Midousuji’s back. He doesn’t have Komari’s magic touch but Midousuji’s muscles soften beneath his fingers just the same. His presence must be comforting to Midousuji; the thought makes him smile.

Midousuji hums against his throat and settles in closer to him, curling his long and lanky body to fit into Manami’s arms like a puzzle that should not fit together and yet does. Still in his Kyoto Fushimi cycling kit, Midousuji has so much cold exposed skin; his arms and legs must feel almost numb to anything after so many hours out here and Manami hates to think of what might have happened if he had not been here to find Midousuji. Maybe he should sit Komari down and teach him about Midousuji’s favorite types of hiding places just in case.

“Manami,” Midousuji murmurs against his neck, and Manami hums in answer. “Would my mother have gone on to heaven, do you think?”

“She would have, I’m absolutely certain of that.” Manami’s throat hurts at the question and his eyes sting; Midousuji only mentions his mother when his barriers are down, and they rarely lower at all, much less fall. “She was warm and kind and gentle, so she would have. She’s probably watching over you now. Most parents did watch over their children.”

Midousuji is quiet after that, allowing Manami to hold him and rub warmth and feeling back into his arms and legs. The cave is colder and damper than the world outside of it but Manami’s wings protect Midousuji from all of that, keeping him warm and dry and safe. It would be pointless to have so many of them if they were good for nothing more than flying.

It must be an hour or so before Midousuji sits back, his eyes heavy and his limbs slow and sluggish. “I’m exhausted. We should go back now.”

It turns out that he did walk. Manami scoffs to himself at the thought and scoops Midousuji off of the forest floor, waiting for Midousuji to settle against his chest before he catches the air beneath his wings once more. It takes more effort with another person but he pushes himself through the strain and heads back for the hotels that have been housing them during the Inter-High. With the race over, everyone will be heading home this evening or tomorrow morning, but this late at night, everything is dark and quiet.

Manami lands a decent distance away from the hotel where he knows Kyofushi is staying and walks Midousuji in through the front doors and to where he knows the room that Midousuji shares with Komari is. He doesn’t even have a chance to knock; Komari swings the door open with a relieved expression within seconds. He looks like he waited up all night.

“You really did find him, Manami-san. I’m so grateful.” Komari runs a hand down Midousuji’s back, no doubt checking the tenseness and strain in his muscles, an almost supernatural ability he possesses. “Bring him inside. You look tired, too. Do you want to stay in our room?”

Midousuji’s arms tighten around Manami’s neck before he can answer. “He is.”

Manami doesn’t argue with him, just nuzzles his face into Midousuji’s neck and smiles.

#fallen angel manami is my fucking JAM in case no one noticed from me writing it over and over and over again #yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #sangaku manami #akira midousuji #manate #halfpastmonsoon #asks

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